Ad Astra Per Aspera

These Days...

2011-06-13T01:15:00.004-06:00

In my life, I am in one of those spots. You know the ones, where everything seems as crazy as possible; and yet, exactly like it's suppose to be.

To say that my life makes absolutely no sense would be the understatement of the century. But... I've found out neither does a lot of peoples. When I was younger I use to (honestly) think that I was something special. Like there was this big plan for me. But there's not; and that's ok. I'm really very cool with that. It's taken me a while to get here too.

The most important thing you should take from my pathetic ramblings here, on this bland space of cyber-space, is that whatever avenue in life you've decided to take -- make sure it's what you want. Don't worry about everyone else's expectations. Don't even worry if you're the best at something... or even anything. The truth is, that it doesn't matter.

What matters the most is that you're inwardly happy with the choices you make everyday. That they are your own, and further that you make no excuses for them. That way when what you're doing isn't spectacular or even what you imagined as a kid, it'll still feel good.

Gia

2010-11-17T16:39:00.003-07:00

Life. ...and death.

Energy and Peace.

If I stopped today, it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes that I have made, and would have unmade if I could.

The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it... for having been allowed to walk where I've walked; which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth,
back again,
into,
under,
far in between,
through it,
in it
and above.

-Gia

There are many quotes that you pick up along the way. Quotes you fall in love with, and subsequently forget. Some that hover in the background, that come back in time of need. There are also those quotes that stay with you. For me Gia's quote has been one of the latter. I think this is because I am constantly making mistakes, and learning new things everyday. I also like the bright spec's in it. Do you see them? It is about the end, most definitely, but realizing that at the end of something important (life even) it was worth it. Now as I said before, for me this isn't the end by any means. There are those times that do feel like an ending, and those are the times where this applies.

In Flux

2010-08-04T03:02:00.005-06:00

It is time to make new memories. To move somewhere new, experience different things. I am ready to be scared again.

I am transferring to Weber for the last of my schooling. I lose some things, I gain other things.

This blog was set up for me to catalog my change, track my footsteps, a journal of sorts. Problem is there is way to much to catalog right now.

The positive spin on all of this is that it feels right.

"If I met me now, I wouldn't know me"

It's Always the Things You Take For Granted

2009-09-26T01:14:00.006-06:00

30 minutes ago I was laughing with my co-workers about hospital stories. It was late, and work was slow. I don't know these people outside of work, not really; but I found my eyes watering from laughing so hard.

So many things in life seem to pass you by. No matter how hard you try to hold on to some things, and even some things you push away -- inevitably they all have their own time frame. While I have been rapped up in the time frame I have taken a lot for granted. I have left a lot unnoticed.

"Take what you have, while you have it; You'll lose it soon enough."

Qua, my aging Acura, drove so steady on the freeway ride home this evening that I almost forgot her age. The car has over 100,000 miles and you could have kept water in a glass.

While traveling from school to work I usually pick up fast food. Its a bland routine that needed some spice. Instead of my usual chicken fingers and fries I decided to get an Iceburg shake. Yep, just ice cream to substitute for a whole meal. It made me feel like a careless adolescent for 5 minutes.
That felt good.

My Hair co-operated today for the first time in a very long time. It's really low maintenance, and doesn't take more than 5 minutes, but I'm proud.

these moments I didn't realize until I sat down to write to you. I'm glad I did. It's funny the things that go right in a day.

"I am suggesting that as we go through life we try to "accentuate the positive." I am asking that we look a little deeper for the good, that we still our voices of insult and sarcasm, that we more generously compliment virtue and effort."

-Gordon B. Hinckley

The Beginning of a New Chapter -- 24

2009-09-09T22:38:00.003-06:00

I am a week into School, Fall 09. I have all of my homework complete, and it's 10:30.

I also have top and bottom braces now. I have always waved a muted nerd charm at those who I came in contact with, now, it's a blistering loud siren that I can't hide! ...and that's ok. It couldn't have come at a better time. This time next year will be worth it.

Kristi, once gone, has returned with all the love and laughter I'd missed. Being around her makes me happy. Its true what they say about friends, you can have a million and it still can't compare to one real friend. We cant go back to Brandon and Kristi, but we are forming a new Brandon ---and--- Kristi, separate, but amazing. Im very happy.

My parents are still dealing with the aftershocks of the funeral, and arrangements with the will/house/cars and everything else. They are on vacation in North Carolina this week to re-charge. I hope they do.

Life is very normal right now, and I feel lucky and blessed.

Dear Grandpa

2009-08-24T01:12:00.006-06:00

I lost you this week.

I know your better off.

Losing people you love is really hard. For me, I seem to try and forget about it by doing busy work -- but then my mind will remember something and I'll unwillingly be forced into feeling sad about it.

When I was 15 I would visit my aunt whenever I missed her, which was pretty often. On one occasion my aunt and I decided to call grandpa up and do lunch at Rainbow Gardens. I'll never forget it. I remember the smell of the black complimentary mints as we waited for the table, I remember the Sprite I ordered fizzing over the top of the straw, the way the sun shown blindly through the huge windows. Linda and Grandpa making conversation about something in the news, and me, with my head resting on my arm, thinking how much life couldn't get any better. One of the happiest times of my life easily. I think I'm paying the price these years for being blessed so much as a child and adolescent (not really, but it feels that way at times.)

On sad moments like these I often think of what it must be like for those who don't get along with there aunts and grandfathers. I have no real regrets, I did spend a lot of time with each of them. I talked with them, fearlessly asked the questions I wanted to, shared my dreams and ambitions to tired unwavering ears. I feel sorry for those who not only have sadness for a loss, but also regret for opportunity lost.

"Life is just a series of goodbyes"

Car & Driver Cover Letter to my Resume

2009-08-02T19:25:00.003-06:00

I didn't get the internship I wanted this summer, but it still turned out alright. So, because I couldn't charm them into flying me out to California, I will post the work that I submitted to them for you to see.

What is the first things that transports you back to an era? That old prom outfit boxed and stored in the basement? A fragrance perhaps? For many of us car enthusiasts it's a yellow beetle clad in 70's funk that can launch us immediately back to the days of free love and Rolling Stone's music (even if we hadn't graced this world with our presence yet.) The Ferrari Testarossa helps to ensure there was something praiseworthy during the eclectic MC Hammer pants and tie die shirts of the 80's. Take the classy Lexus GS400, for example, reminding us of the economic height of the 90's. They are all a living part of history; one that weaves us through time and punches us back to the retrospective past. Most of these cars are still alive today re-sparking that desire to grow and move forward. To make what was once great even better.

Because of this great asset, the need to document it becomes relevant. My intent to work and study at your publication is to gain more understanding and knowledge from my top passion -- the automobile; to enhance my ability with writing, and see how professionals write. Those close to me call it obsession. I call it selective attention; but either way the art of mobile machinery is fascinating. Hence, to work somewhere that fascinates me is euphoric.

Please consider me for the summer 2009 internship position

100th Post

2009-08-02T11:44:00.002-06:00

In celebration of my 100th post as a blogger I will present my favorite things in life:

1. Getting lost in the city, asking for help from the man upstairs, and seeing a shiny black Mercedes -- which I followed, and ended up back to an area I was familiar with. God knows me.

2. Finishing work around 10pm, getting in my car, hopping on the freeway and having 34.5 min to be on stage singing the coolest songs at the top of my lungs.

3. Waking up in the middle of the night to not so much as a hum, crawling downstairs and raiding the pantry to find it's loaded with candy and potato chips. What can I say? The fat man in me has a 2am operating time.

4. Going to the gas station and seeing a teenager open the door for an elderly women.

5. Sitting in my cubical at work and I can't handle the call (that is my work) because I'm laughing so hard from my co-workers.

6. Doing scripture lessons with my Dad, and watching him get really into it

7. The smell of my sheets after I wash them, and for that one night having pillows that don't have drool stains; thank you under bite!!!

8. When you hum a song and then get it stuck in someone else's head. Somewhere someone is always listening to you, that feels good.

9. Going to church after not going for a month, and finding out that you can still feel something and feel better afterwards.

10. Eating lunch with my mom, yep, still the best company after all this time.

It Has All Worked Out

2009-07-21T01:41:00.003-06:00

In life things happen that you never see coming.

Things also happen that are planned, that are all a part of a future you have worked hard for.

Its interesting for me to look back on this blog and see me glee and sulk in my happiness and woes. More interesting in fact is that I find myself shaking my head and smiling, thinking: "ha! if only you'd known then... what you know now." The ridiculous feelings we have at moments when we think we've hit a milestone only to realize it was a pebble. How naive a person I have become.

2008 was one of the best years of my life. It was all a part of a plan that I had worked hard for, a plan that was contributed to largely by my old friend Kristi. God I miss her sometimes.

School last year felt like a waste of time, something only blocking my path to adventure.
This year, within the past week, I found some initiative and scanned over my 'mymap' in the Route Y portal glancing at my progress at BYU. Really? Have I really come this far? There is a ways to go, no doubt, but I've accomplished a lot.

2009 so far has been an uneven displacement, -or- replacement. You see I feel as if I am standing still and thousands of people, objects, even times are circling me at blurring speed. Crashing into each other, disappearing, and all together making no sense at all.

I also came to realize that all the people with whom I have shared time with, and out of all of the mess that I have unpremeditatedly created, that people are happy. They are fine. There is comfort in that.

No matter what has happened in the past 3 years since I have become an adult, I can honestly say at this wee hour of the morning that...

even though it's different then I imagined, truly something I never would have guessed, and never would have wished for...

It has all worked out.

(and it will forever continue to work out.)

This is Love

2009-07-14T01:14:00.002-06:00

I wouldn't be far off by telling you that this was me at 5, and the kicker is that I still look at them with the same bashful lust.

...so this is love.

OBLIVION

2009-07-05T14:18:00.003-06:00

I'm floating into oblivion
With nowhere to turn
No passage outward
And no candle to burn
To light my way.

Where is the dream I was hoping to find
Did it slip through my fingers
Did I close my mind
And slip up time
That should have been mine?

Oh, you used to be angelic
You used to be divine
But now you'te just a relic
Another place, another time
You're not familiar anymore.

I learned a precious lesson
Don't look back, and don't regret
Though Ive dismissed the details
It's you I can't forget...
I guess it takes time.

Time to live within oblivion
Cast a wish into the well.
Turn the page forward
Dry the tear, and lift the spell.
And forget that you exist?
Obliviion is Hell.

-Dayna Buchmiller

I STAND HERE LOOKING

2009-07-05T14:04:00.006-06:00

I STAND HERE LOOKING

AT YOUR FOOTSTEPS THAT ARE FAR BEYOND MINE...

WONDERING.

IF IT WAS YOU WHO LEFT ME

OR ME WHO STOPPED GOING YOUR WAY.

A Letter a Year Ago

2009-07-05T13:45:00.004-06:00

...You see; the problem with writing you this letter now, is that you'll see past all of my rhetoric - and become aware of how often I think about you... which is a lot.
How are you? The last time I spoke to you we were bantering about me stealing your new car. Now I'm off to a new journey in less than week.
I am really going to miss Alaska.
I am going to miss how quickly the clouds move. How the perfume shop smells in the morning. The wind picking up the chimes at the fur shop. The clean air coating my lungs. It has been captivating...
and these captivating adventures never seem to last longer than a few moments.
I hope your having your own moments.

Yours,

Brandon

Winter Contemplation 08' to Emily Ballantyne

2009-06-22T01:03:00.008-06:00

I was out by the beach after work today. There we were: Kristi,
myself, and all the other interns slapped with tanning oil and grins.
In the distance a huge bolder came into sight. We all swam slowly to
the mini island. Chase and Dave, the adventurous, decided to make
initiation out of cliff diving off this bully rock. One by one we
followed.
There was muted laughing and screaming as each person descended to the
sun-lite blue. My turn, head high, I virilely walked to within inches
of the edge. As I eyed my diving board, there was life. Right there
was the parable of what was happen inside physically ripped to the
outside.
Em,
It's like I'm standing on this big cliff warmed up to jump. I know I
can do it, piece of cake; but it's overwhelming. I can be an adult,
growing up is not difficult. Love is. Love is a huge salty monster
ready to swallow and digest. The longer I wait the higher the diving
board becomes.
...spring break suddenly became winter contemplation.

It's the Matter that's Keeping the Stars Apart

2009-06-20T19:59:00.007-06:00

Do you ever regret something you said? Stupid question.

I can't help but feel justified in my logic, but sometimes you have to ditch the logical and be human.

What is it about being right that makes me crave it so badly, I really shouldn't want it -- after all failure can be a fantastic teacher. You would assume I have learned better after all that has happened this year.

I can't change the past, but I can (luckily) change the future.

I am evolving into something else, and with it comes growing-pains. It's only natural to hurt and be hurt through this process.

I have hurt you, and I'm sorry.

While I was on my escapade in Charlotte Amelia I happened upon a kind 57 year old friend named Miss Frances. We would sit and share stories when the store was slow and quiet. She had one of those relaxing 'wise' tones to her voice, often seen in grandparents.

I will never forget one key she told me.

"Be careful what you say to people, because once they [the words] are out, they will hang above that persons head forever -- and you can never take them back."

Moments of happiness are like bright spots here and there in the timeline of our lives, like the stars above us; and the dark spots in between may be the lessons and the failures we encounter... It's the Matter that's Keeping the Stars Apart.

Definition of a Friend

2009-06-06T13:58:00.004-06:00

I believe the definition of 'friend' has been thrown around and sloshed into fatigued verbage among our generation.

With all the myspace, facebooks, and other social websites that allow you to add people as 'friends' by simply clicking the mouse I find it hard to believe the word either holds its value; or perhaps carries a varying degree of acceptable definitions.

If the word has lost its weight, this skinner version leads us to speak the word loosely and with more fervency. I am a casualty of this like anybody else, but I just had to speak up not necessarily as a warning but more of a noticed flaw of words.

Most Powerful People

2009-06-06T12:37:00.008-06:00

For Angie's 34th birthday she received the title of No. 1 most influential person from Forbes; even topping Oprah Winfrey.

Something else deemed powerful is also in the works, my ugly C+ is being re-submitted. I think I'll be able to at least pull out a respectable B.

The truth is that I did work that was never imputed, and so I deserved the better grade.

I have been working at Pinnacle Security for the past month and I really love it. I work with Jalynn and it's more like social hour than work. I don't know how long I'll work here for, but I am currently having the time of my life.

School will be set in order if my B goes through, that little 25 pts they decidedly forgot to input was the make or break from entering into the program officially or not -- so you see the justification for the fight.

Once I start the program I have officially a year left (as long as I go through the summer.) My plan is to graduate in Broadcast Journalism with my Bachelor degree and sign on with a lower market new station somewhere in the south east. Possibly, WECT or WWAY in Wilmington, NC. Eventually I would love to work as an Anchor for Global or CTV in Toronto, Canada.

My other goals include:
After landing my first salary job, I am selling my TL (qua) and buying a CLK550 cabriolet. I have already picked it out, it's going to be dark exterior either black, or dark blue, and white/black interior. There is a 2007 designo CLK550 cab for sale on cars.com for $39,999 in Glenview IL that has it all.
I also would like custom tailored suits from Astor and Black

call me worldly if you must, but because I am not getting married, or have a significant other -- why not spoil myself with the things I want?

I Don't Want To Turn Into One of Those People

2009-05-07T23:24:00.004-06:00

"I think you're in danger..."

"In danger of what?"

"... of never recovering.

You know when you come across
one of those empty-shell people?
And you think,
'What the hell happened to you?'

Well, there came a time
in each one of those lives
where they were at a crossroads.
Someplace where they had to
decide to turn left or right."

-Frances Mayes, Under The Tuscan Sun

I don't want to turn into one of those people, but I get the feeling if I don't do something quick I just might.

"This is no time to be
a chickenshit"

-Frances Mayes

a C+ does not help

2009-04-30T13:04:00.004-06:00

So today I received news that grades were posted.

out of all the grades, the C+ in News Writing disgusted me the most. I worked my tail feathers off for that class. So I happen to go online to see the breakdown -- and it turns out they have selected to skip a few assignments I had turned in. Well this is the classic student-furious-about-grades after they are posted case. BUT I don't think a C+ is the grade I deserve.

To the battlegrounds soldiers! If I can pull out a B, I will drop the guns.

Remember What it Use To Be Like

2009-04-22T09:31:00.007-06:00

"One could do worse than be a swinger of birches,
so was I once myself a swinger of birches,
...and so I dream of going back to be."

Remember

When you didn't care what shirt you put on.

When it didn't matter how many bowls of ice cream you ate.

When the world consisted of your neighborhood, and maaaaybe the street down the road to your school.

When you were the passenger, and you saw the trees, the sky, and the lines on the road pass by.

When the mirror showed how happy you were instead of how good you look.

When you didn't have a cell phone, but you rang a doorbell.

...Where you rode your first bike.

...Where you had your first happy meal.

...and Where the clouds turned into things like dinosaurs.

"When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that.
When Truth broke in...
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows--
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.
So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate wilfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches."

Robert Frost - Birches

Final's

2009-04-13T11:37:00.003-06:00

one word in the English language can explain understanding for tiredness, frailty, stubbornness, frustration, and hard work.

sleep? what sleep? food? no time for food. -- and what about those annoying last day lectures that don't really have any substance? HA! Today I almost fell asleep in one of them.

I believe that instead of Finals we should preform an uno match, and the winner takes the A! Or perhaps we can charade our final, sort of a mimes guide to what you've learned all semester. I think it would be far more fun, even the possibility of honing in on some other unseen talent you posses.

I can't wait until this week is over.

What is UP with that?

2009-04-10T13:02:00.007-06:00

Girls -- I hate to say this but what is up with you pulling your sleeves down so they cover your hands?

I was walking to the ASB from the JKB and noticed not one, not two, but three girls do it as they walked past me. Granted the second was already exercising it fully fledged by the time she passed me.

WHY DO YOU DO IT??? Are you nervous, are you cold? Come on!

It's pointless to me, and yet I recall a number of girls I knew that had the same habit.

someone help me understand.

While I Fell Asleep

2009-04-08T14:28:00.003-06:00

At my bedside there must have been the ghost of Brandon's past.

I couldn't fall asleep, it happens to all of us. This night, however, something happened that has never happened before. I started thinking of all of the things that have taken place in my room, and how that relates to people in general.

Everybody I have ever cared about, or held some connection with, has been in that room. Myriads of people, friends and family, at different times. It has been my space since I was 5 years old. The paint has changed, carpet replaced, pictures taken down and put up, achievements posted and boxed, furniture upgraded; still, though, it is mine. If these walls could talk, eh?

I graduate in a few years (hopefully in no more than one.) I won't be coming back to this room as a current, I will be coming back to it as a past. That didn't make me feel sad, just interested. Everything that has taken place, had a moment of taking place in that room. There are stored pictures of school dances, and memories, vacation souvenirs, and housing for cloths like my boy scout uniform.

A room is much like a person, you can change the color and texture, you can change the decor and amenities, but it's still the same size and space. It's still located in the same spot of earth, still offers the same size window.

I guess my paint has been upgraded, hair styles have changed, the stories have increased -- and all in all it turns out I am still the same personality and person I was since I was 5.

When We Collide, We Break

2009-04-08T14:12:00.002-06:00

I don't want to talk about the weather, regrets, people of the past, or lessons learned today.

I want to talk about the speakers I just bought, the seed's that were planted in my front yard, and the overwhelming feeling of my closet being cleaned and organized.

also noteworthy is that my semester is almost up.

My Klipsch RF-10 speakers just arrived about a week ago, and man are they worth every penny! If music is important to you, you should invest in something worthy of your collection.

eventually I will add to the system to turn in into surround sound when I get my own place.

and eventually when I earn enough money I will buy some bang & olufsen.

My parents don't see the point in buying flowers to put in our front yard, but I do. It's really pointless, but I bought some seed's and planted them all over the front and back yard! heh heh, SUCKERS!!! When flowers start popping up everywhere, they are not going to know what hit um.

I also cleaned and organized my closet, which is the one 2x10 area that makes or breaks my gauge of whether or not I am cleaned and organized. I'm ready for shorts and t-shirts now.

There is 2 weeks left in the school semester, and it's the first time in my life where I don't know what I want to do for the up-coming months. When you fail to plan ahead, you have to fall back on your default. My default is more school, I mean, I've always got that to do.

2009-03-30T10:46:00.005-06:00

40,000 young adults throwing colored powder at each other may not sound like your typical day at the park. I wouldn't be far out telling you that it was one of the most laughable times of my life.

Fun is not any particular place, but rather surrounded by a particular people.

My friends and I piled one by one into a run-down 1980's chevy astro van nicknamed the "man-van, spank-tank," and other suggestive phrases. The clogged freeway only set the backdrop for a circus of fun.

As the bags of color were spit at each other I found my bubble a mix of pink, green, and blue. Im still picking color out of places that should remain neutral!

The activity ended, and the freeway was halted yet again. My friends and I saw this as an opportunity for a dance-off on the roof of the "man-van." You could hear honk's and screams from our neighboring adventurers egging us on further.

40,000 kids-at-heart following the old adage:

"...and life is what you make it, always has been, always will be."

Everything Happens For a Reason

2009-03-25T11:28:00.004-06:00

I wrote to you a few posts ago about how I think Voltaire had his proprieties all mixed up. Now I'm beginning to think I was wrong. Things are going really well for me.
Its interesting because life has so many of those "everything is ending" moments. SLAP in the face, THINGS DO GET BETTER. Not only are they better, they are how they should be. I'm still not sure if I believe in destiny or providence; lord knows I've tripped really badly from believing in them at one point or another in my life. I do think that eventually everything comes back in one form or angle.

I owe a huge thanks to Travis, Nicki, Jaylynn, Lesley, Noah, Braeden, Michelle, Will, Lindsay, Dayne, and everybody else who makes life worthwhile. There was a moment that I was sad there, but thats all dunzo.
I laugh now, a lot actually. I learned to laugh again. You all were my reason.

You could say that I have found my footing, and isn't it a wonder. Did I find something solid to stand on, or did I learn how to fly? I found faith -- so if you ever catch yourself in one of those moments, just realize that "this too shall pass," it is amazing how life happens in cycles.

Usually I would end by saying that there is a lesson to learn, a kicker perhaps? No. I was talking with Whitney today, and learned that sometimes being a fool is ok. When I lost some things a few weeks ago, I thought the lesson would be to buck up and build selective walls to protect myself SO that the NEXT time it happened I would be fine. That I wouldn't be the fool. Not true.

Play the fool. Put yourself out there. Be hurt. Cry. Kick. Scream.

I am alive, I am human, I have blood running through my veins. It becomes aware whether I am laughing my guts out with my new best friends, or hurting over old ones. It's all ok. I am not going to build walls with these new remarkable people, I am going to let them in as far as they want to go, because somewhere sometime I will meet people/persons that will deserve it.

Gear-shifting, but no less deserved (in my opinion) Did I mention that I am awaiting a response back from Road & Track? I want to do it SOOOOOO badly! There is nothing I am more passionate about than writing and the automobile. Cross your fingers, toes, and eyes for me!

I Found What To Say

2009-03-08T21:56:00.009-06:00

I couldn't possibly come and find you to tell you this in person. If there was a way I could, you know that I would. I am certain it would only bring stronger waves.
We have grown comfortably apart, and I don't want to cause anymore pain. Really, that's the last thing I would ever do to you.

So, I will tell you here in my own domain.

When we were out on the beach, laying out in the sun -- with sand in your long hair, and waves crashing around us, I felt something. It was a combination of everything we've been through together. I knew that I was your best friend. Ever since then I started thinking of all of the awful things that would happen to you, things that I would be right by your side through.

People you love who would die. Or people who would hurt you, who would break your heart, or betray you.

And I thought, if there was any way I could stop it, or talk you into feeling better, if I could possibly absorb any of that hurt.

but I failed.

There is, some say, a kind of love that makes you a better person, one that makes you feel like you could reach up to the stars. I want you to know that it's out there waiting for you Kristi. Its out there, and you deserve it.

You know I'm really going to miss you. This is it, the end of our chapter. Here at the end, I want you to know that you always have a best friend. No matter where I am at in life, if you ever needed anything.

I hope you get your fairy-tale.

Faith is either something solid to stand on, or wings to fly

2009-03-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

"When you come to the end of everything you know
And are faced with the darkness of the unknown,
Faith is knowing one of two things will happen.
Either there will be something solid for you to stand on,
Or you will be taught how to fly."

-Barbara J. Winter

I am at the end of everything that I knew. My goals, and ambitions are all behind me. When I was young I remember wanting to drive, be in high school, and it happened. When I was in high school I dreamed of graduating, on serving a mission. It all happened very quickly. When I was on my mission I thought of how University was going to go, of my major. I had it all mapped out. The truth is that it wasn't a place or situation that put me here at the end, it was the people that I knew. You see, they are all gone now, and so I am faced with the darkness of the unknown.

This is the time when I need Faith.

The Other Side

2009-02-25T10:16:00.013-07:00

when you come to a place where you have nothing left to give, what do you do?
Alice came upon a similar predicament while traveling on the other side of the glass.
"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" said Alice. "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. "I don't much care where." "Then it doesn't much matter which way you go."
Here I am in a world that doesn't make sense, like Alice, and with no idea or care where to go. My life which just a couple weeks ago seemed in order, now just seems like a big greasy sugar donut.
When things were in order, you would have heard me say "no regrets." Now, admittedly I would have changed some things -- minor things, but it would have changed everything.
Voltaire allegedly wrote Candid to illustrate that all things evil happen to benefit us for good in the end. Well Voltaire you can go eat worms with your insensitive french mouth. Perhaps everything does happen that way, but I believe that had I chose differently I would be better off.
What would I change? What would I have said differently? ...How much time do I have?
For one, my life sucks now without you in it. I would have been less dominate and ruff, less rude and opinionated. I would have listened more, and talked less. Laughed and smiled more than gruff and complain.
I would have talked you into staying with me. I would have fought harder to keep you by my side.
What seemed so justified and honest now seems like such a waste.
I was walking to class this morning and I thought of you and he. You guys were my best friends. Now it's to late to go back and fix it all -- and even if I did, it wouldn't be the same. I can't take back who I was before; but I promise you this:
I will never be that person again.

To: you (P.S. I hope when you read this it brings a smile to your face)

You were there when Qua was just a baby, I remember playing my Evanescence album for the first time that Halloween in her when you were right there.

You were there in the back seat with me on the way to Wendover, we couldn't stop laughing; it drove everybody nuts. We should have known then.

You were there when we drooled over the new cars that year.

When we visited the Aquarium with the jellyfish and Octopus

You were there mixing drinks, dancing crazy all over town, and dressing up like idiots.

You were there when I moved away from home down to University, in fact, you were the only one who would help me find some place to live. Twice!

You were there as we made ourselves hot, even when we had nowhere to go! Stealing bobs skin care products, and locking ourselves in your bathroom.

You were there to play me my favorite classics: Fur Elise, Dreams of Childhood, etc.

When we had our saturday Chic fil-a runs

You were there when dishwalla was all that we played, when finding a new artist was a weekly art.

You were there when Lauren Conrad lost her friendship with Heidi, when the tow man almost took Ruby … well, I was there then.

When we floated down the Provo River in the middle of summer.

Las Vegas, riding the stratasphere.

Getting caught by your neighbors, and having to do an army crawl and jumping fences.

The cosmic bowling, requesting crazy songs to turn the alley into our own private dance party.

Disney Land, Wicked, and California as our playground... do you remember getting fake drinks at the bar? ha ha

You were there helping me plan parties, shahoska's, birthdays, and planning the next big gig.

You were there when qua got old, and needed a wash. She says she misses you.

Watching Wipeout, I Love New York, and So You Think You Can Dance while running around your house

You were there when I needed to get away from life. We took the day off, and decided to change our lives. We traveled all over this continent.

You were there when I lost friends, lost jobs, and lost my mind!

I keep thinking: "Is this how it is suppose to go?" Well, the future is very hard to see. But if this is what you want, if it's what you need from me then I can do that for you. This is my chance to be there for you.

I wanted you to know that "through it all, I was always on your side." (Sheryl Crow-Always On Your Side) and also that I appreciate you, I am grateful for you being in my life; the memories are very precious to me, and I will never forget them, and never give them away. That is a promise.

No matter how far away you are, I'll be there.

Im always there, right inside.

BT

It has been a while

2009-01-16T12:40:00.003-07:00

There are no more of you out there, listening, are there? There weren't a lot of you anyways, I admit. If there is anybody, I apologize. I do. Priorities fall, and writing to you became even more menial. All that aside, I am here now -- and that is all that matters.

What I have done for the past 5 months is a very tall order to describe. First, I have grown immensely through traveling around this hemisphere, experiencing different cultures, vastly different people, and ton and tons of working on my own. Translation: pictures are better than words (what did I say...ahhhhh) I mean, pictures can explain things faster, in this context, then my writing style. Hence,

http://www.photobucket.com/bkalaska

the pictures you see first, are the last. Pictures that are last were the first.

Honest Mistake

2008-09-06T16:34:00.002-06:00

Being in Alaska is a lot like being on a mission. The same people you live with you also work with. A constant tornado of different personalities and morals. Being here is in many ways a solid test of your true self. I have adapted really well, thanks mostly to my previous experiences in Canada.

I was directly at the corner of Franklin' and Main Street Drugstore. Toothpaste was the order of the day. As I drifted through the isles of beauty products a song I had never heard before started playing. It was "World" by Five For Fighting.

"what kind of world do you want? Take anything.
Be careful what you wish for, history starts now."

It was a moment that made me realize how much of a worldly person I have become, what I 'wished for,' and that I was currently making whatever I wanted happen. We are all masters of our own futures. Anything can happen, but be careful what you wish for.

I shook my head and smiled as I put the tooth whiting system back on the shelf. I want a world where I can have slightly imperfect teeth and still look good...
and that's the kind of world I want for those that come after me.

Angie - - the world from her perspective

2008-07-17T13:29:00.019-06:00

“I wish I could find people who just would fight me and break through to me and hold me down and scream their life into my face”

-Angelina Jolie

This blog should be titled after my favorite actress seemingly because I talk so much about her; but please look below the surface and ask yourself why. I do it not only because I find she's beautiful outside ... and inside; but also because she is inspring. I am going to share some of my all time favorite Angie quotes with you, and hopefully you'll gain more understaning of why I look up to this person.

“People say that you're going the wrong way when it's simply a way of your own”

“I don't see myself as beautiful, because I can see a lot of flaws. People have really odd opinions. They tell me I'm skinny, as if that's supposed to make me happy.”

“If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different....I'd rather be completely fucking mental.”

“We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly... Only after we have lost everything, are we free to do anything... Throw things out there and not be perfect and not have answers to anything and see if people understand”

and this past month she said of Brad:

"We talk very deeply about how we feel. We’re very similar. We support each other and back each other as parents. There is no divide. I am very lucky. I happen to be with somebody who finds pregnancy very sexy. So that makes me feel very sexy.”

Mariane Pearl lost her Journalist husband to terrorism while she was pregnant with their first child. Angelina became close friends with her while acting the part of Mariane in A Might Heart. Brad said of the two of them:

"Being in the room with those two women is great fun. It’s like sitting down with Roosevelt and Churchill – only much better-looking.”

Angelina Lost her Mom to Cancer last year, and of her mother -

"She was....no, if I am even a sliver of the women my mother was...you know she was an extrodinary um, just. just so full of kindness and love.
She lived her life to be a mom. You know, I never saved pictures or cards. I was that person that said I want to live in the moment! I don't want to be focusing on the past; and mom would always say 'remember when you were 4 and you did this or we lived there?' And I kept thinking 'gotta live in the future mom, gotta live in the future.' I will spend those kind of moments with my kids, save cards and pictures; and that's my mom.

Jolie sat down with Anne Curry and Curry asked: "You've been speaking honestly about the needs of the world, specfically on Aids orphans. You said this past week

'The scale of the problem seems to give many an excuse for in-action. In many ways its better to think of these children one by one, each deserving our care and our attention, each being of equal value; and each being a test of whether justice or injustice will prevail.'
You and Brad recently gave millions to help this cause, and you yourself have been lobbying the white house, why is this (some will ask) America's problem?"

Jolie-"It's everybodies problem. It is not America's problem, and I am not somebody to say well since America is the most wealthy and most powerful nation and therefore has a responsiblity to, I don't think that's true. I don't think that's the reason why. That shouldn't be our motivating...you should because you have."

Curry-"Then what would be the motivation?"

Jolie-"because it's the right thing to do. Because it's what should make us feel American."

Get a Load of Me, Get a Load of You

2008-07-16T14:52:00.006-06:00

Congratulations to Brad and Angelina on their new set of twins this week. Now we can start a new world order with the duo and their tantalizing genetic information.

Today gets more personal. This afternoon I had lunch with my best friend, in whom I confide and share the elaborate details of myself with. I thought about what was said; and what I wanted to write to you today, and Kristi I was wrong. I want you (reading this) also to know that I was wrong. My parents gave some constructive parental counsel that they thought I needed to hear and change. I was explaining to Kristi that I feel I have developed a thick skin over the past few months/year, that I used to be audaciously charismatic, but that it's hidden underneath all the scars; and shown to less and less people because I feel my method and reasoning is just and fair. I now think I am wrong (how often can one person change their mind? -- holy crap!)

I used to be charming, I know it’s hard to believe, but it is true. “There was a time when I knew what it was like to shine.” It’s still in there just underneath the land fill that has been created these past few. And that’s ok. I would like to believe that I am just an ordinary person now. That’s aright as well.

Here’s the problem. A part of me, probably the inside amiable part, says this is wide off the mark. That the lesson I should be learning is to ascend beyond the garbage, and be the pleasing person to every stranger and soul I ensue upon. That especially consists of family and friends. This is the change of lane I have driven into. This, Kristi, is what I should have told you.

Maybe it’s in us to temporarily corrode over our best selves. The pity party isn’t always dressed with black balloons and ribbons. Sometimes it can occur steadily, and when you become conscious you are much deeper in the trash then you expected to be.

“You know, I always thought I was going to be, I don't know, special. But I'm not. I'm just... I'm just an ordinary person. And that's OK. Because... you make me special. Don't you know that? Don't you know that you're everything in this world to me? And we're going to make it through this because we are a team. So don't you ever think about leaving me again...because I need you.” This quote comes from Hope Floats.

To my beloved parents, to Kristi and Ashley, and above all to my Lindy…I expected to become something extraordinary, but I haven’t. I am just an ordinary person. And that’s ok, because you make me special. Don’t you know that? Don’t you know that you are everything in the world to me?

I am me, tailored to what’s been given to me; my surrounding’s. That includes you. Scott once said- “People have the amazing ability to adapt to whatever life throws at them.” After all that has been said, particularly in this long-winded blog, I remember that we’re family. “…I just came howlin’, and I told my mama what had happened. And do you know what she did? She walked me right down to that ant hill and she said ‘you know what? Look at those ants down there. Home scattered to the four winds. It would be hopeless to try and build back with just one, but there are millions of ants down there. Their family, and that’s why God invented families so hopelessness doesn’t get the last word.” (Gene Rowlands in Hope Floats)

My cup runneth over.

Isn't it always?

2008-07-08T14:59:00.003-06:00

Men go into marriage thinking (hoping) that the woman will remain the same,
Women go into marriage hoping that the man will change.
Men remain the same.
Women change.

5 critical decisions

2008-06-11T16:12:00.003-06:00

This blog is exclusively taken from Marriott alumni magazine (2007 Annual Report)

Gary Crottenden, a BA BYU graduate who went on to complete an MBA from Harvard, lists 5 decisions that have been crucial in his life. I think the jest of life is all there in the artical; I am not sure I would put them in this particular order.

1. Education:

"One of the most important decisions I made was to get the best education that I could...Get the best education you can even if you don't have much money."

2. Marriage:

"Marry the right person; it makes absolutely all the difference."

3. Risk:

"It's been my experience that you need to take risks to make progress...As you take risks throughout your career, in the end everything actually works out."

4. Exercise:

"I have often thought that the physical aspects and spiritual aspects of each of our lives are intertwined."

5. Obedience:

"The decision whether or not to be obedient is a decision we all continue to make."

In My Hands Again

2008-06-10T15:03:00.007-06:00

I plopped the pork and sauce on the dusted flour bun and quickly took a large bite to explore the taste -- just in case I had to quickly switch to chicken that had been ordered from Goodwood. Never have I had a ward order such immaculate food before, what a treat. Then I was easily done.

I left the food line for the lion's den. People. No sudden movements Brandon. All of my ward in fact, mingling in various groups. "Where do I sit, with whom, should I look around for people I know or just start walking?" Oh my....

Luckily, I found some people I had made acquaintance with earlier in the month. I started laughing at myself. Why do I care so much? Pathetic really. ah well.

I'm older now, it becomes a lot less important to be apart of a group of friends. It has been easier to do thing by myself. Sure, I have my friends. I also have my 'friends,' I see them almost everyday. In a way, they are my own group. I haven't been able to grow close to them. I think I have an idea why now.

I was eating lunch with Whitney at Guru's, and she was willing to give me a listening ear. I was relating a particularly damaging experience with a friend I had a few months ago. It hit me, I'm tired of being disappointed. Not trying is easy,

"A clean break is easier. You can reset it, and it heals, and you move on, but if you leave things messy, and things don't get put right, then it just hurts, forever..."

Service, after Stargirl

2008-06-09T14:41:00.002-06:00

I have been looking for a good service project to exhaust myself in. In the past I have delivered bagels to the road-workers of South Jordan, distributed oranges and water to the dispossessed, and volunteered at the local old folk’s home playing games and listening to stories from the ancients. Unfortunately for me, I haven’t found anything that sparkles. Does it have to sparkle? Absolutely not. For me, however, I found something that does shine.

Reading “Stargirl” by Jerry Spinelli has inspired me to do something that I have never done. I am going to look through the newspaper for marriages, deaths, lost cats, lonely people, birthdays whatever…and deliver flowers, cookies, balloons, cards… It may be a little different, but reading this book reminds me that being a little odd and random can be a very good thing.

What If Everything You Knew

2008-06-04T15:53:00.003-06:00

As I crunch into the heavenly artistic pen of Stephanie Meyer's "The Host," I am reminded of the thrill of reading a novel -- one that sucks me in, and demands my attention (even while I am away.)
As I try and describe the dynamics of the book to friends, they laugh. Why? Well the book is about Aliens infesting the human body. It's laughable, sure. But just two days ago I was sitting there in the dark room, gazing at a gigantic plastic screen watching actors display superhuman characteristics using technology only created in the minds of few. What is the difference I thought? Why is it so much easier to accept a movie that is far out, than a book? Silly really.
It made me wonder why more people don't invest some time in creating their own pictures, and fantastic (fantasy) idea's through solemn aerial text. A novel is so much more exhilarating. I think that may be why people laugh, they know how involved I am; much more so than a movie.
Cocaine can do it, alcohol can too. Vacations away from home, and even listening to music - - to a smaller extent, can take you out of your world, and slow your stresses...that's what a book does for me. So the next time you laugh, just remember, we all have our tastes in the bizarre.

I Have Run You Down in the Ground

2008-05-27T11:22:00.003-06:00

Silence.

“Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.” –Josh Billings

I was once told that "silence is the best form of argument." To me, this is because normally the pursuer tends to climb off the words you fire back; thus silence would give them no rocks to gasp onto. I was also told that Silence is the most intimidating form of expression. I do believe what I heard... but I wonder...

Would it feel better to say what's on your mind? The euphoric feeling liberating everything skating inside? I often think about how I feel, and what I assume about the world around me. I use to believe it was a curse, but now I see, strength. I usually speak my mind, and so when I come across someone who understands the rule of Silence it intrigues me. I do feel a sense of powerless. I can usually talk enough for an innumerable amount of people; even if it is with silence-stricken folks. What happens when the quiet is due to revulsion? You apologize and silence is created.

I have no remarks on this kind. Why would I? How can you repair a relationship issue (whether it is friend or something more or something less) if all you know is you and silence? You can’t possibly.

“Spiteful words can hurt your feelings but silence breaks your heart.” -anonymous

It doesn't have to be complicated

2008-05-13T11:02:00.003-06:00

Throughout history humankind has developed some fascinating instruments: Dynamite, Internet Computing, Tobacco, Automobile, the telephone. Then, sometime and somewhere, the utensil turned from first-rate to a mixture of good and dire.

All things are developed to progress man, and sometimes man has a way of using them to digress. Take the telephone for example; you can talk to someone across the country or world in a manner of seconds. Cell phones are even more advanced, this you know. But have you ever thought of how pegged you can be by a cell phone? How stapled you are to the network? That little phone gets me in more trouble than you can even imagine.

This past weekend I decided to stay at home for the mother’s day holiday. My cell phone charger wasn’t invited on my trip. Unfortunately the phones battery is not solar charged. And after a few days it ran desiccated. I didn’t think very much of it actually. It was refreshing to not be paged wherever I decided to skiddywamp off to.

Little did I know that friends were paging me, suffocated by the fact that I had not communicated in more than a day. I am thinking of a cleverly sarcastic line to write next, but I think I better just stick to the facts so I don’t offend you all even further.

“Why didn’t you text me before your phone died?”

“Why didn’t you email me to let me know?”

“I feel you are distant”

…and so on, and so on (they keep trickling in from all corners of friends.)

I’m sorry but mark in your memories what I am about to tell you - - I will NEVER do it! It’s ridiculous to me, and I won’t do it. The fact that I have not called in to you all is not an indication that I dislike you, or are upset at you, or I am trying to be inconsiderate. It is nothing personal.

“Life could be that simple, it should be that simple. It is all so simple, so…just deal with it.”
-Katy Perry

2008-05-01T15:31:00.004-06:00

I grabbed my order and promptly gazed for a place to sit among the numberless coral of people and conversations that flood the food court. “I had to come here, didn’t I?” I thought sarcastically. After all, it was the only place where Chick-fil-a exists down here in happy valley. I found one up on a bar-type table with high standing chairs. Perfect, I thought, because of my height. I set suspension mode on comfort, and began consumption. Forgetting to buy a paper, I resorted to sifting in and out of people watching and listening. I was a little sad to be alone.

I watched as university girls sat and “oh my goshed” with each other. I saw a group of high school gents laugh about a joke perhaps. A family out for a little quality time. I just glanced around periodically looking down at my tray of food, smiling to imitate slight embarrassment if somebody caught me watching them. Food courts are known for their choir of verbal expression. It built to a point where the clamor meshed together. Suddenly an angel caught my eye. At 3’8’’ and with golden blond hair she shyly looked at me. She happened to be on a table, and I imagined that I looked like a giant being bigger and sitting higher than she. She too was sitting alone. I nodded my head slightly and grinned at her. She flashed back a very extraordinary smile. Moments later her mom and older sister came back with food and beverage.

“I know I grew up fairly naïve and sheltered, but I like that. I feel sad when I see kids who have experienced too much too young. I’m just learning myself what the real world is like. I’m glad I could wait this long before I had to deal with reality.”

I smiled at her because I believe that it gives kids a sense of hope and belonging in the world. She smiled back reminding me that the world does have hope, and that I belong.

There is something real in a child’s smile; there is no agenda, nothing counterfeit or rehearsed. It is unpolluted.

The point, friends, is that there are reminders of hope in the future. The world isn't all going to dung. The gatekeepers of everything worth living for is held by children. And as we teach and bring hope to kids, they will pave the future with that hope.

I will never forget my angel that day, my prayers are with her.

Walking on Cloud #9

2008-04-30T13:53:00.009-06:00

I have a secret affair with overcast afternoons. There is something about the silence that sweeps through town. When the colors look more vibrant against the deep gray of the clouds. I think the billows adore it as well, they all seem to be having a party up there in the sky. I wonder if I can join them after work.

It reminds me of an old town I lived in during my service in Ontario, Canada. The town was Hanover, and the trees were a peculiar shade of emerald then I was used to. I praised the sky for that back then as well. We had to allocate kilometers wisely, and in order to balance for our ineffectiveness we would frequently walk. I secretly didn’t mind it.

The wind would breeze just enough to ruffle the cuffs of my ironed slacks, which made my over shined shoes glitter from sun and shade effect. I would be just ready to close my eyes when I would realize that we needed to keep moving forward.

From moving forward in my life I have forgotten simple elements. For example, I haven’t gone outside and taken a walk in a while. I miss it. I was recalling childhood memories for a friend of mine today, and I remembered how close I was to a spring al fresco. I have made a goal to take a walk today. Where to? I’m not entirely sure, but it doesn’t matter. I think the clouds party to the edge of the gray anyway.

Wondering around in this, I believe – obviously, is God’s way of letting us re-cap the recent past. He calms the season to envelope us in a melancholy frame; that way if we’ve done superior or poor we can reflect with delight or sorrow. I realize that I seem to be on thin ice.

“If you're walking on thin ice, you might as well dance” –anonymous

I’ll choose to dance. In the mean time I will be clandestinely searching for cloud #9. I heard he's a real paradise to veg with.

Some Day of Days

2008-04-29T15:18:00.010-06:00

I woke up to the sound of my iphone rumbling a set alarm system to jump start me from bed to shower. It's android mode until about 5 min. into the spray and steam when I have successfully shampooed my locks with Bedhead’s viscid “self-absorbed” shampoo. It smells like oranges, and my brain is deucedly stimulated from the scent. “Was it all a dream?” I thought.

Last night never happens for me. Magic happened. I imagine I will never have that experience a second time in my life. Every word equally balanced by each other. Talking about concerns, goals, and even seemingly immoderate details like music scheming life. I never reached the bottom of you; which makes me all the more eager to talk again.

I hopped onto the extra furry rug and stood watching the excess water drip off my feet and absorb into the frays of carpet. The orange scent had worn off as it sent my nose into olfactory fatigue. It had served its objective I shrugged.
As I stood there flashing my toes up and down

I thought of you.

Somehow I know you’re out there, living day to day -- In your own precipice slice of mountain. I wonder what you’re doing now, reading my words, what you are thinking inside. If your thinking about me too.

I feel like we have something unique, even if veracity commands it was only a couple of hours. Until this moment, I never understood how hard it was to lose something you never had. Instead of orchestrating my next movement, I will let providence take over; and leave you with this advice – Feelings can grow,
but they can vanish too.

So close to reaching that famous happy end.
Almost believing this was not pretend.
So close, and still so far.

Catch Phrase

2008-04-09T16:02:00.007-06:00

my friends and I have quiet an array of sayings and words. To stick to my carefully plotted premise to this blog, I need to record these in order to preserve them. Some probably should be forgotten though, you'll see what I mean.

Moose Hoof - If I told you, you would never look at one the same again!

China Back - after watching "shutter," you'll understand after watching the movie

Japan - opposite of "china" in our vocabulary

Fortune Cookie - so many names to replace one thing!

Cleft Pallet - Don't ask

Sweet Moses - Moses is our pagan God

That's Hott - infamous Paris and Nicole adopted phrase

Hey Sexy - another infamous quote

Hottie Mchotterson - you can also adapt this one to be fatty mcfatterson, etc.

How do you really feel?

Gertrudella - name for a really hideous girl

i like it

bomb.com - although people now get mad at me when I say it

WooooooW - when someone does something utterly outrageous!

love yur gutz

Back-fat Betty; Tummy-tuck Tina, and Cellulite Cindy

Tuna Fish - Jessica Simpson made this famous, and then we made it dirty. yah.

Whatever, your dog's fat - after having an intelligent argument, just say this when you get stumped

Boots Mcgavin - for those girls that have fury boots that belong to hunter/trappers

Great Places to Go

2008-04-09T13:15:00.011-06:00

I hear frequent criticism from a myriad of peers about how there is nothing to do. I wish I had that kind of free time. For the sake of those of you who do not have enough gumption to look in city weekly, and/or converse with the locals to find a super swank place to hang out...let me give you a short list of some of my fav's.

Salt Lake:

Coffee Break - Get the Italian soda with whip cream, it’s the coolest thing to happen since sliced bread. 430 E 400 S, Salt Lake.

2nd Spin - it's a used CD store in soho sugarhouse. If you go say hi to the day manager, Rhett - he's supposedly really chill, even though I’ve heard more than I’ve seen. Decent array of semi-vintage music. 2120 S 700 E, Salt Lake (Sugarhouse.)

Clark Planetarium – Star and Music shows are state-of-the-art and very unique. 110 S 400 W, Salt Lake.

Decades Vintage Clothing - This is one of the most auric clothing stores I have been too. A way to spend a fun hour or two. 627 S State St, Salt Lake.

Mo Tab – On Sunday morning go check it out. It’s free, and world renowned. Temple Square, Salt Lake.

Provo:

Maestro's Gelato Café‎ - Gelato ice cream bar, hyper trendy and delicious. 22 W Center St., Provo

Comedy Sportz - right next door to Maestro's. Skillfully hilarious, and very audience oriented.

Park City:

This is about as celebrity as Utah gets. Nestled in the quaint of the Wasatch mountains, park city feels like a vacation away (even though it's only about 30 Min's from Salt Lake.)

Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory - 510 Main, Park City.

Dolly's Book Store - connected to the chocolate factory is a very special bookstore, with a very special bookseller named Dolly. She claims to run the store, but after wandering around for a minute I discovered her cat's do the gate-keeping! Talk to the owner, or one of the other locals that run the store, who are always great to pick you up and slow down your stress.

Kristi and I love to visit the gorgeous lodges. Inside we find the "family room area," order a drink, and enjoy the mountain air next to the gargantuan fireplace.

This will be up-dated as soon as my brain turns back on. Please feel free to list some of your favorite places under the comment section.

Who's On Whose Side?

2008-04-07T14:34:00.007-06:00

I am immersed into an unusual sphere of community and places. Every week is a new adventure, a new drama placed fiercely into my lap. It has started to consume and dull my comfy bubble fitted flawlessly on top of me. With this merry-go-round of subversive society I have started to get a little dizzy. I am not at my full resistance. Intrigue has made me a bit sloppy I am cheerless to report.

You see “That's the trouble with intrigue, isn't it? With so many secrets, you can never quite tell who's on whose side, until the game ends.” –Paulet

While I am fully engaged on this field, it has become difficult to decipher between who is in it to win, and who is in it for you. You have no choice but to pick teammates early; one quick shot at recruiting is given. I realize how afraid I am of being betrayed (as you have probably read this theme throughout a skid of my blogs.) I agree with Paulet – you can never really tell. Hence, I try to see through the blur of the constant spinning that is my verve now; and find those who seem in it for me.

“You play the game very well, my young friend. But don't you sometimes feel an overwhelming desire to say what you're really thinking?” –Elizabeth

With the whirlwind of the ride, I sometimes blurt out bluntly what is vamped in my psyche. Although it usually offends people, I have found a place within the awkwardness invented with my tongue. The craving is there, and I apologize to you who have experienced it. Just understand I am out of my element, and am dangerous to you.

Your Name is All You Have

2008-03-31T15:48:00.006-06:00

"Integrity sells for so little, but it is all we have. It is the very last inch of us. But, within that inch, we are free," (Spencer Lamm.)

Sometimes I daydream. I don't purposely engage it, usually it just happens; and usually when I'm suppose to be paying attention! Today in News Writing I was drifting in and out of Dr. Worshams lecture about Integrity in Journalism. The topic isn't completely foreign to me, I have heard it spoken of before. Towards the middle of lecturing, Dr. Worsham said something that popped me out of my mind-drift. "Your Name is All You Have..." she said. I sat up a bit, and started listening more intently. "If you give up your name, you've also given up your credibility, and reputation...and that is all you really have."

I believe her. I mean, I know she's right. Constantly streaming in social situations is your reputation; your name is all you have. Even if you have many other attributes that the world finds noteworthy such as: Money, Beauty, and Talent your name will still buoy you up to the top, or dead-weight you straight to the bottom. "Once a cheater, always a cheater," is a popular catch phrase. Also once a liar always a liar. At least in societal gossip.

In the movie Star Dust Captain Shakespeare is known threw-out Wall and Outer-Wall as a fearsome pirate. He is really a "whoopsy" as one of his men calls him later. He tells Tristan not to mention the kindness he has shown them because: "You know reputations take a lifetime to build, and *seconds* to destroy." In the Journalism community you may write hundreds of prized stories, all credible, all cited well; but the moment you plagiarize, or scandal a story your status will disintegrate.

As a friend you will find people worthwhile. Honest. Trustworthy. You may also come across a lot of counterfeit people who will sell your secrets to the highest bidder. They fail to utilize this concept of name. Benjamin Franklin once said: "“It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it.” Once you have been caught, you will forever live with a loss of friendship, and trust.

As all of this swirled inside, the bell rang symbolizing another lecture completed. After the bell I rose, and walked out the double doors with a newly revitalized truth. My reputation will take a lifetime to build as it is the last inch of me, the last word, and all I really possess.

For the Sake of Fighting

2008-03-27T14:29:00.004-06:00

All people fight. When an angry argument or disagreement arises what happens? From what I’ve seen in my life it ends up in a battle between who is right, and who has the last word; rather than solutions to the issue, or negotiation to find common ground.

“You must not fight too often with one enemy, or you will teach him all your art of war.”
-Napoleon Bonaparte

In combat to establish various points on futile tangents time becomes wasted and worn. It isn’t until afterward when your calm and level headed that you realize how much time was wasted without a step toward resolution.

“I have had to fight like hell and fighting like hell has made me what I am.”
-John Arbuthnot Fisher

All that could be said in the lengthy waste of time might have been condensed into a critical pair of sentences. Even then the elucidation might not come. This is why I see only few benefits out of verbal bashing.

1. It vents anger and frustration out (hopefully) to the producer
2. It adds emphasis on how passionate you feel about subject matter

I do have sympathy for whom this has happened to recently. More often than not it is heaped upon one party unexpectedly or without desire or want. I understand people have to defend beliefs when attacked.

“Yes, we have got to quit worrying about fighting each other and trying to figure out a way to work together. “
-John Breaux

Instead if you feel like your getting upset, tell the person that you need some air. Give yourself time to act instead of react. Count to 10.
Listen to the other person, sometimes it turns out they have just as much justification and reason behind their argument as you do.

Seven Ages of Man

2008-03-25T15:45:00.004-06:00

"Seven Ages of Man"
written by William Shakespeare

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players,
They have their exits and entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,

Shakespeare wrote this in the play: As You Like It, believed to have been written in 1599 or 1600.

The world is likened to a theatre. Of which all humans are actors, players, pieces in a game. I take exits and entrances to be shifting chapters of the play, different scenario's; death and life, marriage and divorce, love and loathing, etc. The ending line is the most remarkable, to me at least. Shaskespeare speaks of one man, lets step back to the 2nd line for a moment. It goes from explaining what all men and women do, to just one man. This "privileged" man plays many parts. Although we are not certain if playing many parts is a positive or a negative. One thing we do know, it is much more rare to play many parts in the stage of life as compared to all men and women who are merely players.

My Girlfriends

2008-03-21T13:43:00.022-06:00

10. Faith Hill - Her features are very American. Being an American Mother, and looking that great...snaps to her.

9. Carrie Underwood - One of the most beautiful people. She has become a lot more commercialized, but even still -- is very stunning.

8. Natalie Portman - her features are so perfect without being to "cookie-cutter." She can even pull off bald, how many women can do that?

7. Lauren Conrad - Lauryn's personality I have seen in a lot of my recent x-girlfriends. That's a good thing. Plus she looks like a girl; long beautiful hair, skirts, high-heels. She dresses like a women. That's hot.

6. Jo Jo - it's her eyebrows. I know, sounds funny....I KNOW. Just take a look for yourself.

5. Jennifer Connelly - ever since Labyrinth. My word. She is one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. Period.

4. Cindy Crawford - are you kidding me? She is still one of the hottest women even middle-aged. She was introduced to me by my favorite cousin Erick.

3. Christina Aguilera - ok, Chris has always been a favorite due to her beautiful voice. She has the best voice of our generation, and one of the best ever. Her beauty is very unique, and although she likes to dance on the fringe of fashion she always looks hott. Her icy blue eyes, and big lower lip are my fav. features.

2. Kate Beckinsale - I have had a crush on Kate ever since she did the Pepsi commercial. Plus she has that sexy British Accent.

1. Angelina Jolie - ok. So, as many of you already know, I have had a love affair with Angie for the past decade of my life! In the words of Jack Nicholson: "Yah she's a super actress, but more to the point....she's a super person." Her features we're once described as follows: You go through high school always infatuated with the cheerleaders, who we're among the most beautiful. All the popular girls had a way of never looking directly at you, you were always looking at them. It was a talent they somehow possessed to grab your attention and keep it there without them even lifting a finger. Jolie's beauty is very unique. She looks directly at you, staring right back with piercing persistence. She carries herself extremely well, extremely extremely well. I know that a lot of people condemn her for being tainted by a darkness; I find her truth refreshing. She is one of the most honest people I have ever heard. She wears everything on her sleeve. A lot of her acts become controversy, controversy becomes story, story becomes stretched, and the stretched truth always has a way of being amplified into something ugly. She is #1 for being beautiful on the outside, as well as the in.

The Reason Why

2008-03-19T13:15:00.011-06:00

I sat there. Warm and tingly inside of the tanning bed. It only took 15 minutes to get me cherry red. I should have downgraded. It only took 15 minutes to ruin a night of pleasant sleep. 15 minutes is all it takes to ruin, or conceivably restore a lot of things.

Lying in a tanning bed is one of those experiences that define who you are. You get in, and lay there. You may play some music routed to speakers directly overhead; or perhaps outside of the bed with a boom box provided. Either way it's never loud enough to hear over the buzz the cooling fans produce. Are the turbo-speed fans meant to cool you or the bed? I may never know. As I laid there on my back I started thinking of life, and of that day. I didn't want to -- I was trying to forget some of the day, and some parts of my life. No matter, because there is nothing else to do while barricaded inside of a human toaster.

During the thoughts warping through my head, I started to realize the reason why. Why I do the things I do. It's a hard concept, but I caught a spark. I am acting with the belief that God has his hand in my life. I assumed that when I met you, that you we're it. That somehow being placed beside you all of my life was somehow a sign to me. Seeing you periodically after we we're friends could in some way be a sign that providence wanted me to notice. I was wrong, and it's not your slip, but mine.

I was talking with my friend Jenny today. She was venting about her Ex-boyfriend (now good friend) entering into the MTC. He's making her life a living hell. I was all too happy to listen, people fascinate me -- and I wanted to see if she was honing in on some frequency I was giving off about my newly discovered theory. She explained that he wasn't letting her go, and she didn't want to let go; but that it was just dragging out the inevitable. It was torturing her so badly the way he constantly stayed in contact. She couldn't forget him no matter how hard she tried too. I asked her some insightful questions about their history together. Turns out they had dated a while ago, but we're friends much much longer than the affair lasted. She didn't want to let go in fear of losing the memories all together of when they were younger.

Somehow it is easier to see how ridiculous being infatuated with the past can be from a third person perspective. I knew what I had to do. I had to make my check-mate. I was to that point. I had all my cards in hand, but didn't want to play them; scarred that it wouldn't turn out the way I wanted to. I already knew the outcome. I was good at forecasting, so I thought.

My Parents have gutted the basement for my sister and her husband’s arrival. It is going to be molded into a downstairs masterpiece thanks to sweat and brains of my family. My parents look drained after spending hours down in the dungeon slaving away at pieces of the past. Usually I steer clear from them after such a day! I accidentally ran into my mother as I was going down the stairs, and she up. She said something to me, "Without all the boxes downstairs the house feels lighter to me." I stopped myself, halting whatever silly errand I was trying to attend to. The house did feel lighter.

So it was with my reason why. I sat down and wrote to you. Desiring the lighter feeling in my personal life. I couldn't tell you how many times I tried to write. Maybe because it was dusty old memories and connections that were tucked inside the basement of my mind...It was never good enough, never exactly what I wanted to say. Then I took the cursor on my silver pro and highlighted all letters that had consisted of my 4th attempt, deleting everything that I had worked hard to meticulously perfect. I stared at the screen, and re-thought of what I wanted to accomplish. Then it hit, and fast. I couldn't wait, so I just typed. It wasn't very long, but it was precise and to the point. I sent it away, off into the matrixed web for you to find. I did it so quickly I didn't even spell check, and this is me we're talking about! It only took 15 minutes to write, but 15 minutes is all I needed.

You found it, and I felt the ease of retirement, and chest-hurting pain of anxiety concocted together in a sickening combo. I believe that feeling comes when you grow as a person.

Whatever I felt, it's gone now. It's all in the past. Do I feel lighter? I'm not quite sure now. I do feel a bit more freedom. I thought by holding on to fabricate pieces of dreams, and distant reminiscences it was aiding me with the desires of my soul. I know now that intermittently letting the cards play and disappear in the deck can restore your core. I may have lost some pawns, but it just allowed my stronger pieces to play.

Beyond all Borders

2008-03-17T09:03:00.004-06:00

I have to share something with you, this is a series of letters between Kristi and I that I thought should be shared with the rest of you.

Last night I was watching Beyond Borders (of coarse because it has Angelina Jolie) but during the movie she plays a song called "Scenes of Childhood" by Robert Schumann. ( Robert Schumann, Kinderszenen Op.15, Träumerei) As she is playing the song Jolie says:

"I wonder, do we all know where we belong? And if we do, in our hearts, why do we so often do nothing about it? There must be more to this life, a purpose for us all, a place to belong. You were my home. I knew from the moment I met you, that night, so many years ago."
Another one of my fav. quotes from the movie:

"Perhaps we are all refugees from something, but I see now there is nothing to fear, that the world we hold onto, the lives we cherish, are a part of something greater, something more. When I look at my children I see it so clearly, that hope, that chance of life, and I know it's worth fighting for."
at the end of the movie Jolie's character "Sarah" dies while trying to rescue Nick in Chechnya. She wrote him a letter before rescuing him, he reads this letter as he's driving to see their daughter:

"I hope when you're reading this letter, that I'm sitting there next to you and you're telling me that I'm stupid for writing it, and crazy for trying to find you.
But how could I not? It's you. All this time, so many years apart. I've missed you. But I have never been without you. I've woken up with you every morning, and gone to sleep with you every night. You have always been with me. Your courage, your smile... your damn stubbornness. There has never been any distance between us, and there never will be.
I love you Nick. I love you."

The letter is beautiful, but it has classical irony because as he's reading the end of the letter he walks up to the house and sees their daughter in the window playing "Scenes from Childhood" ...the one her mother used to play. (Ive attached the song to this email--it has become one of my favorite classical pieces of music.) here's a little history of the piece from Wikipedia (I had to research it a little)

The Kinderszenen, completed in 1838, a favourite of Schumann's piano works, is playful and childlike, and in a wonderfully fresh way captures the innocence of childhood. The Träumerei is one of the most famous piano pieces ever written, and exists in myriad forms and transcriptions, and has been the favourite encore of several artists, including Vladimir Horowitz. Although deceptively simple, Alban Berg, in reply to charges that modern music was overly complex, pointed out that this piece is in no way as simple as it appears in its harmonic structure. The whole collection is deceptive in its simplicity, yet genuinely touching and refreshing.

I really enjoyed learning from this different forms of written movie scripts, and Romatic era classical music...I hope you did too (and I didn't just bore yah to death!)

-Brandon

What a beautiful piece of music! I love the research you provided from Wikipedia, they phrased it perfectly… “The whole collection is deceptive in its simplicity, yet genuinely touching and refreshing.” I remember after watching this movie (especially the part at the end with the letter and the piano piece) being moved by the messages portrayed. I don’t remember though if this was a true story or not… It’s interesting though the music even though childlike and simple, has a haunting/sad quality to it that fits the mood of the movie very well.

As I listened to the piece I reflected on the movie. There is one thing stuck out to me… Angelina wasn’t able to spend a huge amount of time with Nick, but it is amazing how much he affected her life in that time. In the actual time line of things he played just a tiny little part, but in the scheme of her life he was it for her. Just a little insight I thought I’d share.

-Keke

its so true. It is amazing how many points in the movie that correlate with later events. Her opening declaration of philosophy leaves you wondering what she's talking about, and the following movie explains in detail her beautiful message. Nick was her home, and she knew it the moment she met him. You made a very excellent observation, he lead a role adjacent to Sarah's; but her goals and what made her feel alive and good was in direct parallel to Nick's. I think you grow to love Sarah's husband in the beginning (her sister likes him, charity ball, very kind to Sarah, etc.) And then you realize that their marriage has seen better days when she catches him with one of his fathers workers in their house. I love how Schumann's piece also plays an underlying message, that most people wont ever understand. Schumann wrote the piece to capture HIS childhood memories...I believe he wrote 12 or 13 pieces on different memories. In the movie they start you out with the death of an innocent African boy, and when Jolie plays the piece the second time in the movie -- in the African camp -- it is because Nick just informed her that the women she tried so hard to save had died. You mentioned that the piece was sad, and it is suppose to be. That's why I love it so much, because it encapsulates perfectly memories of childhood. People never look back with happy joy, but melancholy sadness and hollow happiness. You can feel Schumann play with a kind of delicacy as memories dance threw your head. That is why I love the piece. I think that's why Sarah plays it, because she remembers what her life has been like, what her childhood was like...and draw's comparision to the suffering she has just seen. It is important to note here that she had an "awakening." Literally in some ways, because the first time she see's Nick she gets knocked over...and "knocked" out of the serene life she leads. Also note that when she's playing Scenes of Childhood in the beginning, it is really the middle of the story.

-Brandon

Royal Family Tree

2008-03-10T13:50:00.003-06:00

Over the weekend I had the privilege of watching "The Other Boleyn Girl." The movie was extremely interesting. They portrayed the characters as people. I know that may sound confusing, let me explain.
In movies and stories there is generally a hero/heroin and a villain. In Boleyn girl there is no distinctive hero/heroin's or villain's. Not really. You could argue anybodies side, or attack anybodies side. They all displayed their faults. They we're portrayed like people.

The Royal Family Tree in England at that time is fascinating to me. It gets really complicated; so much so that I could write 5 pages and still not be halfway through! Here are some of the more interesting facts:
-Winston Churchill is a descendant of Mary Boleyn
-Princess Diana is a descendant of Mary Boleyn as well to Mary Queen of Scots, Edward married Mary. Edward was Jane Seymour and King Henry VIII's son. Jane was also one of Anne Boleyn's ladies in waiting.
-Cathrine of Aragon (King Henries first wife) was daughter of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella who sent Columbus to America.
-Anne Boleyn had queen Elizabeth I, who became one of the greatest leaders England had ever seen. They called her reign the "golden age." Elizabeth concurred the Spanish Armada of 1588. Which lead to the colonization of the Americas. We owe it to Anne Boleyn's daughter that we speak English instead of Spanish.

The movie was excellent, although it is ficticious, still worth seeing. The overlaying background is somewhat accurate. It will at least give you a taste of the drama and scandal that were in abundance at that time.

Top 10 Stereo Companies

2008-03-06T15:57:00.021-07:00

I have this bizarre obsession with the production of sound. You could easily label me an audiophile. Among some of my favorites there are a few that stand idiosyncratic to me.

Top 10 Stereo Companies – listed in order of least considerable to most noteworthy.

10- Nakamichi.
Unique to Nakamichi is the design-oriented aspect – all their audio and home theatre protects could all be hung on a wall. Nakamichi also sells a line of higher-quality mini systems, to a market similar to that sought by Bang & Olufsen, as well as selling automotive stereo products, home theater items and as of 2006, DVD video products. They have struggled recently trying to fit into an ever-growing market.

9- Martin Logan. Most famous for their electrostatic loudspeakers and planar magnetic thin film loudspeaker technology.

8- Bowers & Wilkins.
British Loudspeaker Company. A corporation that Brandon had never heard of until the Jaguar XF offered this optional 14-speaker 440 Watt system. What is remarkable about this beautiful system is B&W distinctive yellow speaker cones, and Dolby Pro Logic II 7.1 surround sound. In a recent review Autocar proclaimed it to be “the best-in-car system they have ever heard.” I wouldn’t go that far, but it definitely makes this un-heard-of company a member of this list.

7- OHM. British manufacturer of very high sensitivity, high end, pro audio Speakers.

6- Klipsch.

Professional speaker company, United States based. It is most famous for the exceptional production of loudspeaker drivers for high fidelity sound systems. Horn loading speakers are at the heart of Klipsch; some audiophiles decry horns as having a coloring of the sound described as “honkiness.” Their horn loaded speakers are still in production today.

5- Bose. There is a genius behind the magic at bose. Founder Amar G. Bose was a professor of electrical engineering at MIT who thought of creating a company that incorporated their slogan: "Better Sound through Research." Outside of critics, bose is known for their quality and clarity. I have owned many bose products, and have fallen in love with the accuracy of sound produced. The reason why they have been knocked out of a higher place is the commonality of the company. Much to the company's profit they have contracts with GM, the U.S. Military, Air Force, and Army. They also have contracts with NASA, and dozens of other commercial developments, and other semi-significant car companies. This makes it seem less exclusive, and more of middle-grade. Either way it will always be a favorite of mine.

4- Harmon/Kardon. If you've been lucky enough to have heard one of these sounds systems it means you were also riding in a very fine German automobile. Mercedes-Benz and BMW add their signature of quality to this fine audio company. They also produce home theatre equipment.

3- ELS/Panasonic. Elliot Scheiner's, who is a Grammy award winning producer, has developed audio systems for the beautiful Acura MDX and TL. It is one of the best sound systems I have ever heard. Especially the 410-watt, 6 channel digital amplifier, 10 –speaker audio system in the MDX technology equipped vehicle. The 6 channels of sound are at the heart of the beautiful sound you hear. Instead of audio being produced using the outdated stereo format, you hear independent sound coming from one or two of the 10 speakers. The sound is so distinctive and clear it will make you cry!

2- Mark Levinson. This company is now part of the Harmon International Group, but still remains in the up-market, high-end audio equipment using state of the art technology. Mark Levinson is most known for their stereo and home-theatre products. However, over the past few years Levinson audio systems have been integrated into Lexus automobiles.

1- Bang & Olufsen. The best and my personal favorite on this list. Featured in P. Diddy video's, exclusive race cars, and has loyal fans such as David and Victoria Beckham, this company brings pizzazz to a normally routine mix. Introducing design elements that are “intended to reflect cutting edge industrial design, in appearance, function and operation,” said Peter Band one of two founders to the B&O Company.

Facets to a Personality

2008-03-04T14:19:00.007-07:00

In order to best utilize a diamond’s superlative material properties man has developed a way of cutting the material to make a symmetrical arrangement of facets which modify the shape and appearance of a diamond. These facets work together to make a diamond brilliant, and to show its underlying qualities – of which all are beautiful.

We are very similar. It has been spoken of many times, in many different stories and situations; all of which I’m sure you are familiar. “Diamond in the Ruff,” “pressure makes the finest gem,” etc. I would like to tell it a little differently.

But first, let me explain what lead up to this idea. I was watching The Count of Monte Cristo recently. Edmond Dantes, the main character, is falsely imprisoned by his jealous friend Fernand Mondego in the maximum security prison of Chateau D'If. Here he meets an unlikely ally, Abbe Faria or “Priest.”
Abbe teaches him Mathematics, Philosophy, Science, how to sword fight, and most importantly to the story, where to find the treasure of Monte Cristo. In a critical scene where Abbe asks Edmond about God, Edmond responds that he no longer believes in God. Abbe then declares: “…and what have you replaced God with?”

We all need to ask ourselves this question. If you do not have God or religion, then what will you replace it with? It has to be something, and more than likely it will be something that already dictates a large majority of your time. Perhaps it will be something worse…of course it will. You will lose a facet of yourself, thus making you less brilliant, and less keen to show your underlying qualities – all of which are attractive, even the darker ones.

Before Abbe dies in Chateau D’If he has hope that Dantes will escape and live. He offers Dantes the wisdom that only a friend, a father, a preacher could give: “Here is your final lesson,” says Abbe, “do not commit the crime for which you now serve the sentence. God said, ‘Vengeance is mine.’” “I don’t believe in God,” says Dantes. “It doesn’t matter. He believes in you.”

Remember that our faith in God may weaver at times, but God’s faith in us will never. From time to time we want to give up, but he will never give up on us. Keep all of your facets; keep everything that makes you shine. He believes in you because he knows you’ll be cut; this life is meant to cut and shape us – but only cut and shaped into something strikingly beautiful.

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

2008-02-29T14:58:00.005-07:00

Beautiful Weather is happening here in Provo this Friday. I was just offered a chocolate chip oatmeal cookie by one of my employers. Next (hopefully) I'll be asked to join Angelina Jolie in the latest silver screen thriller. Getting paid a zillion dollars might I add. One can dream.
Speaking of dreamers, David Archuleta sang John Lennon's classic "Imagine" on american idol this past week. What an amazing performance to a beautifully written song. He chose the third verse because "It's my favorite, and I think it has a wonderful message" said Archuleta. Indeed it does, here are the lyrics to the third verse:

"Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

chorus:

You may say that I’m a dreamer
But I’m not the only one
I hope someday you’ll join us
And the world will be as one"

Now I know that a lot of people snap the "socialism comments," but taken the thrid verse alone it has quiet a philisophical charm. Who knows the intention of the song except for those who are past and gone. It is left up to your perspective now. One thing is certain -- I was moved.

Studying in the Middle East

2008-02-25T10:54:00.007-07:00

So I have successfully decided that study abroad is for me. Jerusalem is the destination (including: Egypt, and Jordan.)
How does this sound -- reading the Old and New Testaments on the Jordan river, walking where Jesus walked, standing in the Valley of the Kings buying a grave plot, and buying 5000 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets!
OK OK, so that all may be me just dreaming. I have never been more excited and scared about traveling in my life. It will be my first time on the other side of the world. I will be leaving in August, and staying until December. In total the trip will cost close to $9,000...money that I don't have. I do, however, have a plan.
First, save up all that I can. Second, get a little contribution from ma and pa, and then student loan everything else. Turns out BYU has a killer deal for study abroad students seeking money.
Last night Kristi and I decided that we needed to fix our credit card debt. Her and I have acquired a small lump sum that haunts us every month. We excelled budget sheets, and do you know what it showed? That I was spending more than I was making!!! WoooooW! So needless to say I need to get my butt in gear.

Quoting Kristi from this morning:
"Apparently American consumers have racked up $2.2 trillion in credit card debt. Sadly enough we have our little part in that 2.2 trillion. I’d like to share with you the worst part…
The principal is not the only problem, it's also the interest you're accruing. If you have a $2,000 balance at a 14 percent interest rate -- and make just the minimum payments -- it will take you more than 14 years to pay off that debt plus the interest.
14 Years! Are you kidding me? I knew it was pretty bad, but holy crappin pooin 14 years is astronomical! Just one more reason that we both need to work on getting and staying out of credit card debt! "
Kristi and I are aware of the problem, and we are trying to fix it (at least our part.) I recommend you drawing up a current budget, I think you'll be more suprised than the suprised you think you'll be!

A New Chapter

2008-02-21T16:23:00.009-07:00

4 months ago I was happy. Today, it being 4:24 p.m., I am still happy. The difference? People, places, situations, and especially views. Steven Covey explains my situation in regards to my views in life as a "Paradigm Switch."

Conservapedia explains that:
"A paradigm is a way of thinking constrained by overarching theories, assumptions and ways of doing things. A simple example is cutting off the ends of the meatloaf before putting it in the pan, in accordance with an old family recipe. The husband asked his wife why she did it; she asked her mother, who asked the grandmother, who said that the great-grandmother didn't have a large enough pan.

A more poignant example is given by Stephen Covey in The Seven Habits of Successful People. He was riding in a subway car when a man and his children entered. They children ran around the car disturbing other passengers, snatching newspapers out of their hands, etc. With what he thought was great restraint, Covey asked the man if he would control his children better. The man said that he supposed he should but he didn't know what or how ... he had just come from the hospital where his wife had died an hour ago. Covey's attitude towards the man and his children changed instantly. This is a "paradigm shift."

I wouldn't consider it a negative thing, but more as people evolving and learning. I have learned a lot these past months. I am full of emotion when I consider how much has changed. What I had thought, comparied to what I think now.

If I relate the people I know to book characters, me as the narrarator, and the places as well calibrated words painting a picture in your imagination; then let me tell you simply that I am starting a new chapter. Chapter 22 to be exsact. Characters will be left behind, some new one's presented, and luckily some old favorites still printed in that redundant black ink. Change of location will happen in this next chapter. As I said in the beginning, I was happy a few chapters ago, but I am happy in this chapter too.

I'm in love, we'll I think I am

2008-02-19T17:59:00.003-07:00

Love: "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."

Have you been in love before? I'm talking about really head over loafers for someone!? It is so annoying! Especially if they don't know you feel this way. For me it has been there for a long time now -- and it's too late.
Instead of moving on, I just keep thinking there is hope for some miracle to happen. How pathetic! That is precisely how I know that what I feel is not mere infatuation, but real; real love.

Paraphrased from the movie Stardust:
"You know sometimes I think I know little about love, especially when I re-read this. I had thought I would never experience it. But I realize that I’m wrong. I know a lot about love. I've seen it all my life. You know, you could search your whole life and never find anything more meaningful. What I'm trying to say is...
… I think I love you. When I write this to you…my heart feels like my chest can barely control it! Like it's trying to escape because it doesn't belong to me any more. It belongs to you; it has for a while now. And if you wanted it, I would wish for nothing else my whole life. Nothing but to know that you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine."

That says what I never could. Money, Fame, Popularity, Genius -- they mean nothing compared to love. Of coarse it is important to maintain a few to keep the blaze kindled, but never more vital. It is what everyone is looking for, and few people ever find. It makes me feel like a small child.

If I haven’t gushed you up enough, end with this: “Not everything is easy, sometimes you have to fight for things. It's up to you to decide what's worth the fight and what's not.” Sometimes at the end of the chapter we realize there is much more, anticipating what is next can be exciting. You may be let down, it happens. Just remember to buy crutches; they come in so many forms. We all fall sometime.

P.S. Alicia Keys "Like You'll Never See Me Again"

Revenge of the Sith

2008-02-15T14:25:00.010-07:00

Betrayal, Revenge, Vengeance.
Do you realize how our bodies system is programmed? I don't even understand a tenth. This I do know, vengeance is almost always served one way or another. It boils in us at an uncontrollable speed; to me at least.
If I have learned anything in this life, it's that karma, cleverness, and sometimes just waiting patiently can be your greatest ally when you've been stabbed.

We all have been hurt and wounded before. It's marriage to this life.
Have you realized the impact vengeance can have? How sweet it tastes, how satisfying it can be? I do, and recently too.

People always reap what they sow. They never learn. I have just been lucky enough to watch it happen. I admit that out of the three types (Karma, cleverness, and patience) I have stuck my long boney hand in each jar. Do I feel bad? Not at all! To me justice sometimes needs a little push. I am all too happy to assist her.

Even thinking about it now the web spun is complicated and sticky. I am waiting for realization. Waiting for it to unravel. Waiting to taste the last bite of ice cream, the best bite.

People need to stop thinking about themselves all the time, and realize that there is a whole world out there. Bad people, good people -- but a world. Quit thinking about yourself, and start thinking about those around you. It is sad when all that's left of you is sadness and baggage left un-opened, and un-touched. Get over yourself, all the rest of us have.

Gordon B. Hinkley

2008-02-14T16:40:00.004-07:00

"You were generals in the War in Heaven and one day when you are in the spirit world, you will be enthralled by those you are associated with. You will ask someone in which time period they lived and you might hear,
"I was with Moses when he parted the Red Sea," or "I helped built the pyramids'" or "I fought with Captain Moroni." And as you are standing there in amazement, someone will turn to you and ask you which of the
prophets' time did you live in? And when you say "Gordon B. Hinkley" a hush will fall over every hall and corridor in Heaven, and all in attendance will bow at your presence. You were held back six thousand years because you were the most talented, most obedient, most courageous, and most righteous."

Elder Boyd K. Packer

Mining for Gold

2008-02-13T13:11:00.005-07:00

Why do people pick their nose in the car? Especially the people who have decided not to opt for tinting their windows! This morning as I was coming to a stop I turned and noticed a young man digging for gold! "Surprise!" I thought. "You've been caught!" Even with my enthusiasm he didn't seem to be swayed to cease the current habit. I admit that I have picked one of my nostrils on occasion; but never while I was out in public.
I believe some people may think it’s a game, a sort of escapade. Let's see how long I can pick my nose without people looking or finding out! Perhaps it is because they are too enthralled with the music playing through the stereo system. They become put in a trance by Shakira and wiggle their finger too much!

In any case, one person was caught today. I could possibly become an officer for the public safety of not being grossed out. I could ticket people by taking a picture of their license plate.

The worst is when they eat it, or wipe it on the steering wheel because it is visible to the onlooker. I take that back, when you actually SEE it is when it becomes the worst, no matter the conditions. Note to pickers: we all see you eventually!

My Hair is Causing Turmoil

2008-02-12T13:47:00.001-07:00

Kristi attempted to highlight my hair this weekend. She is a trusted friend, and one who has experienced the art of dying hair many many times throughout our friendship on various acquaintances and friends, including myself. I like change, it brings with it fresh air and new perspective. My hair, however, brings stares and odd looks; I don't like that. Abraham Lincoln (my favorite president) once said: “The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.” I understand that Lincoln wasn't referring to my hair -- my hair however is referring to change.

Besides the fact that there are a populous of people who choose to judge my glowing fro with their slit eyes, and gossiping about it behind my back; there are also those who have the tactless ability to call me out on it to my face. Do they really believe it is there place to tell me how my hair should look? It really iritates me. Do they think I don't understand what it looks like? Or believe they know better how the world will view it, and what is popular these day? I would like to quote a heavy scripture here. I do it not to chastise, but more to remind you of an important concept that is sometimes forgotten, and hard to master:
"why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?" (Matthew 7:3)

The Lord uses a figure to show the absurdity of judging severely the faults of others, while we have greater ones. The term translated mote means a little splinter, while the beam is something very large.

I don't pretend to be exempt for the issue of judging others, but I do have a concept of the importance and weight this lesson in life holds. Is it really that big of a deal? No. Having orange hair only makes it that much more apparent!

What Would You Give?

2008-02-08T15:46:00.000-07:00

The following lyrics are the premis for my letter to you this day. Written by J.R. Richards:

"I have felt the comfort
Now what did I do to disappoint you?
Idle my emptiness
and it keeps returning to remind me
That I want to remain
A child with you forever
And hear as you lay before me
You tease me and tell me to stay
But what would you give
What would you give
I have given everything I could
But I don't think it really matters
Maybe nothing does
And how it keeps returning to remind me
That I want to remain
A child with you forever
And hear as you lay before me
you tease me and tell me to stay
What would you give?
What would you give?
I want to remain
A child with you forever
And hear as you lay before me
You tease me and tell me to stay
What would you give?
What would you give?
What would you give?
What would you give?"

What would you give to remain a child forever? Is that even something you would want? I know for me there are a few people that I would like to freeze just how they are, and experience life with them just as it is now. Friends can make life extremely blissful.

It's laughable to think about the first time I met some people, and how it changed my life forever. I go back to those "first days." I had no idea the exploding impact it would have; the change, and happiness. The sorrow, and fighting. The dramatics, and how we ended up here today.

If I knew what I know now...well, as Willamina Cooper once said "If I could answer that for you, or for me. Life on this planet would be a very different proposition."

I wouldn't mind it if you were by my side forever, and who's to say we can't remind children inside forever. I sure hope I can hang on to it for as long as I live.

Wheel of Fortune

2008-02-06T16:12:00.000-07:00

Have you noticed how you will settle for a lower and lower income? For career day in high school, I wouldn’t even look at a job unless it made over $100,000 a year. Coming into University I thought $60,000 to $80,000 would suffice. Now, my professors tell me that I will earn $15,000 to $20,000 a year to begin with. The funny thing is that I didn't even flinch. I wanted to cry, I did -- but I withheld, and after about 5 seconds didn't think about it again until now.
What happened? Was it reality smacking me in the face? Maybe I realized that money wasn't all that important. The only material thing I hold on to is my dream SUV, the Acura MDX. Oh boy this car makes me melt with butter soft leather,
a digital surround sound stereo and beautiful hawk profile. It retails for $45,895 (with the Technology and Entertainment packages.) Which means I won’t be able to afford that car until Im 35? By the time that comes to pass I'll have 2 kids, and no money. Life sometimes has harsh wake up calls. Today is one of them.

Washing Cloths is like Dancing the Tango Alone

2008-02-05T11:08:00.000-07:00

Washing clothes is about as stimulating as watching me tango in front of the television. Sometimes it's the most aggravating task on my list. Last night I put a small load of jeans in the wash, dried them; out they came clean...and smaller. From now on I’m washing everything in cold water, it's the only sure fire way of getting my cloths back exactly how I put them in -- only clean! I will never master it.
I imagine in I had the LG Steam Washer this would solve everything. It's a washing machine that uses steam instead of plain water. It has an extra large capacity drum (4.0 cubic feet) so that you can wash more clothes at once, and it uses much less water thanks to its steam technology. It can also freshen up clothes by removing wrinkles and odors in just minutes, without having to go through the whole wash cycle.

It's also enabled to work with LG's Remote Monitoring Laundry System, allowing users to monitor cycle progress while they focus on other activities around the house, like little junior getting into trouble.

One of these little zingers will set you back about $1,599 bucks. It's been available since spring of 2006. Where do I sign up? I never thought I could be so enthused with an appliance!

Tales from the Crypt

2008-02-02T10:40:00.000-07:00

I am a mess. For the past 5 days I have been extremely sick. Part of the thrill of almost dying is that when you are more conscious from the drugs starting to wear off, you have the opportunity to look at yourself in the mirror. That almost killed me a second time! I have never looked worse; just trust me on this one. I could easily be taken for a homeless person; I’m sure I could get some pretty good money out of it too if it wasn't cold outside.
I smell different too. Now lets not be hasty in our judgments this morning friends, I have taken showers--THANK YOU. I mean, I smell unlike myself. Its very bizarre, and very hard to explain.
It's in moments like this that I am reminded of how much friends and family mean-- everything. Thank you to all of you who gave encouragement and love. You helped me out very much. You are lifesavers. Thank you.
I am already starting to feel better, the look should come in time too (hopefully!)
God Bless

My computer doesnt compute accents

2008-01-25T12:43:00.000-07:00

while reading The Historian, I find myself looking over my shoulder more than usual. How the written word can converge with my world has always perplexed me. I find it better than any other form of entertainment. In the book, thus far, I am sent on a journey with Elizabeth Kostova (Helan) to find the unexplained mysterious history of vampiric Vlad Ţepeş. The books path crashes between Islam and Western civilization, which is equally fascinating. I have just read to chapter 13, and I cannot wait to go home a read more.
Although a lot of people put emphasis on the book being fictitious, I say are not all the books we read fictitious to a degree? Written by the perspective of the author? This book just happens to be partially from oral tradition, and memory doesn't serve humankind as well as recorded script. I don't care. Miss Kostova certainly has a gift for storytelling - true as it is, or not.
Enjoy literature, enjoy the written art of storytelling, enjoy a creative journey inside your own mind. There are no substitutes.

Key to your Script

2008-01-24T14:30:00.000-07:00

The dialog of the day is: "The bizarre has struck me as normal, and I say nothing." Let me explain; this afternoon while at lunch I saw an old friends' friend, from high school. He was in line for Subway,
the same line that an old neighbor from childhood was serving behind the counter. This neighbor lived in the same neighborhood as my old friend. Meaning that when Josh served Kyle they had no idea that Aaron knew both of them very well. I find it interesting that while they conversed as Employee and Customer all of this was playing behind them, and they had no idea. The world is small, and I sit back just smiling and shaking my head. I wonder how these things happen, and why I’m so intense to see these types of things. Just another dock in the “weird category” on Brandon's chalkboard of life. I’m afraid I am racking up the points in that section.
If I would have spoken this to either Kyle or Josh I’m sure they would have looked at me for the psycho I am. I would never, because it would have taken away and shared the knowledge that I possessed then; changing it into something common.
I believe we are shown things, whether through our selective attention or through some sub-conscious element. The key is that we have to pay attention to it. It's all around us, a world with so many cross points and few barriers. Some of the most accredited genius' that have walked through history have been called so because of their observation. Isaac Newton saw the apple fall out of the tree, a simple performance many people had seen previously I’m sure; he just saw it a different way. That is the key, the bizarre that you say nothing too.
It's happening all around you, can you see it?

Bat ta ta ta taaaaaaa....I'm lovin' it!

2008-01-22T14:43:00.000-07:00

As I drink my half melted Jamba Juice I am reminded of how close the day has come to an end. I’m on a synchronized schedule these days, halted by the ticking of my nixon player. Such is the life of a University student, and everyone else that has their priorities straight.
I realized something just recently.
I am confused on what direction to steer this boat. I was certain that I wanted to do Broadcast Journalism. Now I am not very sure. The fight is between Print Journalism, and Broadcast Journalism. I understand that people have bigger fish to fry, but this is my whole life! This is what I will be doing for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. If the current social security age keeps sky-rocketing, I'll be doing it until I’m 82!
The real dilemma lies in both being adventurous and having un-even shifting hours, with the world as my playground; -or- a consistent schedule of research at a newspaper. There is comfort in consistency, right?

Backseat Driver

2008-01-16T15:50:00.000-07:00

Has everyone noticed how girls are so much more comfortable with each other than guys are? Or is it just me? The other day while I was driving my friend Rex and I saw two gents giving each other a grande size hug. My first reaction was -- "hmmmm...Odd," Rex concurred. Then I noticed something similar that sent me through a paradigm switch; one hour, or so later two girls gave each other a big tight hug, and the odd thought never popped in mind.
Are we conditioned to think like this? Is there something in society that teaches us that to be masculine, you must never show affection. That is too bad. I know that I fall under a lot of scrutiny in writing this, but Im just curious of the reason why. We'll see if it kills this cat!
I watched the film 300 this past week, and I am reminded of the scene where The Captain looses his son, and goes bizzurk! He get's blood thirsty, and after he kills the flock of persians he finds himself uncompensated. He then tells King Leonidas how proud he was of his son, and heartbroken he is by this loss. In front of all the brave soldiers he explains the love he has for his son.
How often do we men feel a certin way, but leave it untold? We may feel joy, have we spoken it? We feel gratitude, have we expressed it? We may love, but have we told the person? Boundaries always stack up in some of the following ways: Black or White, Male or Female, Adult or Child. We can go with stereotypes, or fight them. I say this to the person who disagree's, "Live each day as if it's your last, because one of these days -- it will be." We may not get another opportunity after the now.

Do the Dew

2008-01-14T13:24:00.000-07:00

I am 22. I am 22, and I eat peanut brittle. What is wrong with this picture? For starters that nothing on the surface looks amiss. Then you add in the fact that my metabolism is slowing down to the pace of a coupled snail, and vua-alla! At the miniscule pace of my metabolism, and the swift velocity of growing up -- I am going to be a fatty. I need to buy phen phen asap. Anybody know a local drug dealer? I doubt that a few pills will be a problem. That's about the extent of my desire to correct the issue. If the pills don’t work, then forget it...because believe you me, I am not giving up this brittle. I am just going to continue eating whatever I want until my hands won’t reach my mouth. How is that for saucy attitude? As they say: "Habits die hard." And my food habits are next to impossible to escape!
Today is Monday, and my eye's should barley slit open; my back should be hunched far enough to rest my body weight on the desk, and my legs should look like a deformed pretzel. Alas, I am surprisingly more awake then I was yesterday. I attribute it to my queen size, ultra lux bed. God bless you bed. I have yet to name her. Suggestions?
My co-worker Jake (a.k.a. scratchy pants) and I were talking about chic Costco boxes. Why do they have to make them so thick? It's like they are taunting us with the flow of cash acquired by the local peasants. Do they have to make the box so thick that a 22 year old male can jump on top and not flatten it like a pancake? What is wrong with these people? They need to get a life! (Wink, wink!)
With all the tantalizing ritualistic conversations, I realize how content I can be with the flow of employment. How going to work, and talking about boxes can make the world seem a little more distinct. Take the quiet hum of the computer equipment for example, the mini fans whipping around at the respectable speed of 1998rpm. Then the little click clacks on the keyboard (mainly from my hands writing this to you,) and the feet brushing by in the hallway. It was once thought that the daily grind put people in a numb stage. I confess on some days I have felt it. However, if that's true always, why do I feel so alive and involved today? May we possibly chalk it up to the sun shining in through my windows this morning; and the attitude that today was going to be a good day burnished through as well? hmmmm. I’ll leave you to answer that one. I hope your day is as redundantly blissful!

That which bindeth, saveth

2008-01-10T16:06:00.001-07:00

People are so independant these days.
A few years ago, I would say that Independance was my hallmark. I strived to become the strongest person I could, and in doing so I found myself cutting off all ties to friends, family, and the world (all except the necessary.) What did this accomplish? Me becoming more strong? Perhaps an added measure of confidence? It is hard to recall what it did precisly. This I do know, it left me alone.
We are bound to those who love us, they become a part of us. It is important that we share this connection so that we feel a sense of belonging, a need. Why do we have the desire to be independant? Is there any danger? There is a line in Harry Potter than comes to mind from Luna Lovegood: (I know...bear with me!)
In one frame Harry is explaining that he feels more alone then ever. He wanders into the forest only to find our little blonde friend. She says:
"We [her father] believe you, by the way. That He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is back, and you fought him, and the Ministry and the Prophet are conspiring against you and Dumbledore." Harry says: "Thanks. Seems you're about the only ones that do."
Luna then reply's: "I don't think that's true. But I suppose that's how he wants you to feel." "What do you mean?"
"Well if I were You-Know-Who, I'd want you to feel cut off from everyone else. Because if it's just you alone you're not as much of a threat."
The short story titled "Difference between Heaven and Hell," by Anne Landers, also show's some insight. It goes something like this:
"A man spoke with the Lord about heaven and hell. The
Lord said to the man, 'Come, I will show you hell.' They
entered a room where a group of people sat around a huge pot
of stew. Everyone was famished, desperate and starving. Each
held a spoon that reached the pot, but each spoon had a
handle so much longer than their own arm that it could not
be used to get the stew into their own mouths. The suffering
was terrible.
'Come, now I will show you heaven,' the Lord said after a while. They entered another room, identical to the first - the pot of stew, the group of people, the same long-handled spoons. But there everyone was happy and well-nourished.
'I don't understand,' said the man. 'Why are they happy here when they were miserable in the other room and everything was the same?' The Lord smiled, 'Ah, it is simple,' he said.
'here they have learned to feed each other.'
I believe that we are to be independant in the sense of being able to provide for ourselfs, but partly, that we recognize our need for other people. To know that we have to feel a sense of belonging, of being needed just as much as water, money, and air. In the end it will not be plagues and disease that tear the world apart, it will be lack of assistance, a lack of charity.

The Message and Prayer

2008-01-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

To my Family and to my Friends.
(title and outline by Nicolas Sparks)
I'm sorry I haven't told you this in so long. I feel I've been lost. No bearings, no compass. I kept crashing into things, a little fanatical I guess. So much change, and not enough ground. The truth is that I love you. I am scared, not knowing really what to do; and I need your help to make things right again. The memories echo in my mind at the most inconvenient moments. Your laughter, your dancing, your fun. I had lied to myself by transforming you into easily discarded pieces of a game. I already felt alone, and this past month has amplified the feeling. I'm sorry for not being there for you. I am ready to be here for you now. I'm sorry for not telling you everyday that you are important to me, and to my life. I'm sorry for treating you like steel, and at the first sign of flaw, like glass. I'm sorry for so many things, I've been waiting for God to intervene and make it right. I realized I need to make things right myself. I want you back, and I'm willing to fight for it. I am sorry for pretending I can read people, i can't. I am sorry for using my talent with words to hurt you and use them as a dark mirror.
I understand now you only meant to help. Please help me God, amen.

I Laugh in the Face of Danger

2008-01-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up with the smell of fresh paint, the softness of 250 threads per square inch, and the support and softness of down around my head and neck. I thought, "where are the birds?" aha...ok, so it was close to perfect! I am in love with my new room. True, I would be just as happy with a shack as long as I had enough room to lay my whole body down. You see, that was the problem with my old casa the impossible-to-be-comfortable twin bed came standard. No matter how many mattress pads, or ultra plush pillows and sheets you strap on, it is NEVER comfortable.
Today feels like one of the many; an addition in the house of common and ordinary. I wish someone would knock me out of the usual.

I feel like the ant that is tired of the mundane, and wants to explore outside the anthill. I know adventure is more dangerous, but I believe Dale E. Turner, said he:
“Why is it that, as we grow older, we are so reluctant to change? It is not so much that new ideas are painful, for they are not. It is that old ideas are seldom entirely false, but have truth, great truth in them. The justification for conservatism is the desire to preserve the truths and standards of the past; its dangers, of which we are seldom aware, is that in preserving those values, we may miss the infinitely greater riches that lie in the future.”
I think that
the only real way of escaping danger is by renouncing adventure, and adventure is the key to mankind’s genius and discovery. I need to do something adventurous, like jumping from a plane, or experiencing colon cleansing.
Speaking of which, I think I am going to get mine done; I have heard that you sleep better, your skin is healthier, and your not carrying around so much excessive baggage in the downstairs intestines department. Could be interesting.
Cheers to the routine, and monotonous of my day. Let’s pray for one of the seven plagues. If it happens you can blame me.

French Movies

2008-01-02T14:22:00.000-07:00

Good Afternoon,

So it has been a nice little va-ca away from work and school. After much drama, and re-arranging some things in my life...I am very excited to be starting a fresh new year. Going back to work, and in a few days school, is more happy then sad. I thrive on busyness, and sometimes having a week long vacation makes me realize how many things Ive got to get done. I mean I always have piles of laundry, but during the school semester I am to busy...and it is a great excuse because school is more important than smelling good!

I am currently painting my room "Aqua Breeze." Whatever that is! It was suggested by Kristi, and I am smart to heed her wise advice. The primer is done, and this evening I am going to put the paint on...why am I so excited? I don't know, but it puts a smile on my face just the same!

This next semester I am going to be taking French. What a beautiful language, and what an opportunity to watch American films with Kara in French? I mean, the DVDs come with all these fancy language options -- but no one ever uses them! Well not anymore, Kara and I are going to fry the latest and greatest movie titles (along with some exciting Disney movies I'm sure.) I know the class is going to be tuff, but I am can't wait to start this little escapade with a dear friend.

Mushu

2007-12-14T11:44:00.001-07:00

Well, do I have some news for you! My 2003 Acura TL type S has been in my possession for a year now. yah gina! Her first name took a lot of thinking, and planning and she later was dubbed "Liquidacia!" What a beautiful name. Well, after two months she was backed into and damaged. It was an acident, and I have grown found of her dent...I think it add's character. It was sad at the time, but now its only a funny memory. Keekee and I thought she needed to be renamed to something a little more suiting for dents--thus she was re-named as "Qua Qua!" I love my qua qua, she is my baby. For some time this later name has stuck with her, and with me...but not anymore. From henceforth she will be called "Mushu!" ...Why? Because I realized she is half-japanese! She needs a japanese name. This is her third title in only a year (poor car, she had no idea what she was in for once I drove her off the lot!)

Wanted

2007-12-12T16:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, everyone...listen up. I have been held back from allowing you to see... what I am about to show you! This is going to be the next blockbuster, and you all should do well to not miss it!

Who's staring in it?

Only Hollywood's finest: Angelina Jolie, Morgan Freeman (thank you Kara), and a few other hollah-backs. Make sure you don't miss this one.

What In The French Toast!?

2007-12-12T14:14:00.000-07:00

Today as I was surfing the waves of the world wide web I came upon a little jewel. It's called "elf yourself." Check out the one I made of some of my best friends: Scott, Kristi, and Matt

http://www.elfyourself.com/?id=1335606743

Please, feel free to create your own. I think they are a hoot!

Now, on to more pressing matters. Last night I went downtown to the beautiful Temple Sqare to view the contest of lights. You didn't know it was a contest? HELLO...its the one and only: "Let's see how many little lights we can put on every single branch until the powerplant goes out contest!" I happen to be a patron of this contest. That's right, and I fully intend to decorate my castle with as many lights as possible (once I own a house that is!)

Have you seen the Joseph Smith movie yet? Holy Moly guacamole! Last night would be my third time seeing it. It makes me remember what a beautiful and trying time it was 200 years ago in the church. I need to quit walking the middle ground with being a Mormon. I mean, with all this political non-sense about religion, it makes me forget about whats really important. We have a unique history, and I am not one to feel ashamed of what I believe. I am proud of joseph Smith, and the early members of the church.

My Immortal

2007-12-11T11:03:00.000-07:00

Have any of you actually woken up, and didn't know where you were? Please don't jump to any conclusions about me, I am the least promiscuous person in my social network. I am seriously disturb by this morning, when I thought I heard my parents walking up the stairs to wake me up this 6:30am. What is wrong with me?
I think I need some ambien. Speaking of which, one of my good friends is a sleeping pill addict. I feel for you Gleeves.
Now does anyone know anything about Hibernation? I didn't, until I reserached it on wikipedia. Hibernation is a state of inactivity and metabolic depression in animals, characterized by lower body temperature, slower breathing, and lower metabolic rate.

Now the Black Bear can hibernate up to 100 days, so in my next life I choose to be a North American Black Bear. How would sleeping for a 100 days benefit me? Well, for one thing I could get some serious sub-concious reconstruction done, I could kill off that goblin that haunts my nightmares, and I could possibly wake up feeling refreshed...for once! It's worth a shot, right?

If Im going to do this, I need to bulk up. Im thinking of starting with McDonalds, then eating pure fat after that. Just loads of it. That way my body will have some energy storage. Next, is a more pressing matter. I need to clog the pipes. There is no easier way of putting it. The Black Bear does it with grass and weeds I believe...so that's just how Im going to do it!

I Won't Last A Day Without You

2007-12-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

Dear World,

I have a few words for you. Why do I have to pay $3.22 for a gallon of gas? Seriously. I have never chastised my baby Qua Qua....EVER. Well, only when she's bad, but that's not very often. However, when I am standing in front of those flashy orange dials at Chevron- watching them climb to an everest hight- it makes me shake my finger at her and at you. I know its not her fault, or yours, but I have to take it out on someone! Premium ladies and gents, P R E M I U M.

On a side note, I am in a very congenial mood today. I had an excellent weekend. Kristi and I destroyed Tushunda, Scott's beloved Tundra. She is fat, he denies it. Anyways, you've all seen that paint that people buy for their car windows....right? Well, we bought some jingle bells, big red christmas bows, some paint, and went to TOWN!
I should leave this part out, but we also bought some petroleum jelly and caked his door handles! We evaded Scott's fajzzzah, as he was leaving to go plow some snow at a nearby town. First, we went 007 style with the garage all the way open. It was like a ballet. Every t was crossed, and every o was circular. We finished by running wildly to the expedition laughing in a creepy high pitch squeal! I couldn't be more happy with myself.

It would be foolish, and undeserving of me not to explain the history behind this much deserved attack. I can't do it now, but I assure you I will write it to you one day. For now, allow me to say that this War has been fought for MONTHS now, and there have been casualties from both sides. I have one upped Scott for now, but Im afraid for my cupcake Qua Qua...SHE'S ONLY a YEAR for sweet Kishkumen sake!!! What he has brewing in that dirty mind of his is all your guess.

Just Take What You Need, And Be On Your Way

2007-12-07T12:23:00.000-07:00

Today kids, Im not in a writing mood. As the ancient Greek writers would say: "My Muse has abandoned me." So today, instead of writing using my own creativity, I am going to share with you something silly and easy. My favorite vehicles from 10 to 1.

10. Rang Rover Sport, by Land Rover.....

9. BMW X5 .....................

8. DMC Delorean...................................

7. Lexus IS 350...........................

6. Infiniti G37 .......................

5. Acura MDX............................

4. Mercedes Benz SLR...............

3. Ferrari Enzo ..................

2. BMW M3...................

1. Mercedes Benz SL 65 AMG..............

Trucks are Satan's Vehicle of Choice

2007-12-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Truck owners,

I hate you. You not only believe in sitting higher, driving crazier, and wasting more gas than the average American, but you also insist on pulling RIGHT up to my bumper while the glare from your headlights reflects directly into my eyes. Aren't there any laws against this?

This is what I found:

Law 24008.5.

(a) No person shall operate any motor vehicle with a frame height or body floor height greater than specified in subdivisions(b) and (c).

(b) The maximum frame height is as follows:Vehicle Type Frame Height

(1) Passenger vehicles, except house cars ...................... 23 inches

(2) All other motor vehicles, including house cars, as follows: Up to 4,500 pounds GVWR ........ 27 inches; 4,501 to 7,500 pounds GVWR ..... 30 inches; 7,501 to 10,000 pounds GVWR .... 31 inches

(c) The lowest portion of the body floor shall not be more than five inches above the top of the frame.

Although this is a California State law, it is almost an exact replica around the country. My Acura TL sits at 53.7 inches, and the mirrors sit at approximately 49.7 inches. Meaning that a truck that sits at 76 inches (like most of the new mid-size trucks are) standard, and about 80 inches lifted, headlights are going to be DIRECTLY IN MY FACE!

I have already written to Acura to design some dazzling side mirrors that dim when direct light is flashed on them; but it shouldn't have to be an extra cost option for me to buy. They should make truck owners pay. When paying for a lift, how about throwing in an automatic headlight leveling system. They are already seen in the market on upscale suv's and cars. Why not put them on lifted trucks?

(please refer to Advanced Front-lighting Systems on Lexus and Audi)

Before I get off my high-horse....or my 53.7 inch high horse, let me just give a warning. My TL may be half the height of your truck, but she has way more attitude (and so does her driver!) I give my oath to drive slower, more annoying, and generally ridiculous when I see your headlights in my face.

I'm Wrapped in Cellophane

2007-12-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the day from the dark abyss. I woke up at 7:30, having acquired 3 1/2 hours of sleep! During the menial chore of rotating my tires, spraying hot water all over my car, completing three online tests I realized this day was going to be given to AERGIA Greek god of sloth and laziness! It was as if my body transformed into a zombie. Maybe I should start dressing like one, I have always wanted to learn how to jiggle to the choreographed thriller dance by Micheal Jackson!

On the news of the day, Reese Witherspoon is dubbed as Hollywood's
"top paid actress" with a demand of $15-20 million per movie. Angelina Jolie, my future wife, came in second with similar stats. Speaking of Miss Jolie, she earned a 6/9 (66%) "yes" to being hott on my highly critical poll. Only one person voted "no," Kara your sin is unforgivable! Jolie is also currently ranked as 9th on AskMen.com's "100 most desirable women of 2007." She was last years 3rd place.
Jack Nicolson also recently said of Jolie:
"Sure she's a superstar...whatever that's suppose to mean; more to the point she is a super person."

Burj Dubai

2007-11-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

I have a fascination with Architecture. I have been in the world's tallest free-standing structure on land - the CN Tower in Toronto, Ontario. Now, it's an important play on word's when your talking about the "tallest" and "biggest." Many people debate whether roof-top antennas, habitable height, or structures under construction should be included. One thing is for sure, no matter how you measure "tall;" the Burj Dubai is going to be the tallest, period.

This picture shows the worlds tallest "buildings" You will notice that the Burj will be the tallest not by a few floors, but by a significant amount. I think its gorgious, and a little ridiculious. The building is being funded by the South Korean compnay of Samsug ($4.1 billion US) and the architect for the job is Skidmore, Owings and Merrill -American-....yah thats right! I think its only appropriate because we know what the hell were doing, plus the majority of the money that is being spent in Dubai comes from the American Economy for oil.

You cannot argue the beauty of the project. This is my favorite picture of the building (projected) , and the actual to date. The building is expected to be completed September 2009.

Most Everyone is Floating Along on Phony Public Relations.

2007-11-28T16:00:00.000-07:00

My mom, who is brilliant, told me something over the weekend that I didn't understand until now. She told me that in one of her favorite scripts, lye one of her most treasured quotes. The quote was (in her own words):

"In the end it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about you. You have to be exactly who and what you want to be. Most everyone is floating along on phony public relations."

At the time I heard this, it meant very little. It wasn't until recently that the quote started to multiply in importance upon my mind. How true it rang, and how important it was to hear right now. In this stage of my life. It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you, because everyone is showing you what they want you to see; whether consciously or sub-consciously.

The Moral: (as it sang to myself) Be honest, these days the virtue has become endangered. Contrary to admired belief, the phony public relations people portray doesn't always improve your sex appeal and/or popularity; you'll find the most sod after people are those who have mastered the refreshing crisp air of being honest.

When You Get There Let Me Know

2007-11-26T14:37:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving break put the crispy in Krispy Kreme Donuts! Right now (right now being 2:34) I would be just dressing myself after the HOUR long hot shower I had taken. How wonderful those pioneer and Indians were, did I think about them once.....nope; do I feel bad, nope; should I? No....p....probably. Who has time to think of that these days?

Saucy Minx asked me about my titles today, and I explained how I had taken her idea and tweaked it. She uses song titles for her blog titles, which is genius. I use song lines, which is basically copying her! I am going to start relating the titles to my blog, instead of stealing all of Kara's ideas. She doesn't care that I copy her, but I feel like this little bird needs to spread his wings!!!

This past week I went to dinner with one of my favorite people, this one's name is Kristi a.k.a. Keekee (so dubbed by Miss Bell.) She happens to be one of my best friends, and I have her pegged. I know exactly what she is planning on ordering when she is looking over the menu. Her predictability is not boring, but is actually refreshing. What is it? Chicken Fingers. We happened to be craving Chilies - 1. because it was open, and 2. because it was open. We sit down, order chicken fingers, and chat. The food arrives piping hot just minutes later. Kristi starts lady like, as opposed to my world war 3 attitude when it comes to my food! Moments later Kristi throws down her chicken with a look of disgust. "What is the sam hil...l...." Im about to finish when she cuts me off: "LOOK AT MY HANDS!" she exclaims! Her fingers totally covered in shiny oil. That was Kristies cue to stop eating, which she accepted. I happened to take a picture of this....see what you think:

Im Too Sexy For My Shirt

2007-11-20T11:39:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to sleep until 2 a.m. last night. Was I finishing homework? Reading a good book? Rescuing the local tabby cat in the aspen? No, and I mean NO! (Right now Kristi would ask: "WooooW Brandon, how do you really feel?" Well Kristi, I feel like I want to morph into King Kong and start destroying buildings!

On top of this, my co-worker Jake is wearing trendy Nike athletic jogging pants. You all are familiar with these, remember the chaps that make the electric "swoosh" sound every time you move. I can't concentrate! I blame him, and his fashion sense for the lack of writing skill, and my overall negative attitude.

Today in the News; Australia hit an all time low in the political correctness campaign. Santa Claus now has to say "he he he" instead of "ho ho ho." Why? Well because it may be derogatory to women. Now Santa Claus is being sexist, come on..."he he he!?" You can't please everyone Santa!
Here is evidence to the crime: http://polipundit.com/index.php?p=18998 .

You Have a Right to be Here

2007-11-19T14:22:00.000-07:00

Are you the kind of person that NEEDS rules and guidelines? You can do anything, just as long as its outlined. Well This morning my mom sent me one of her favorite poems. It was written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920's. Mr. Ehrmann received a degree in English from DePauw University, followed by a degree in Philosophy from Harvard University. Although he attended some influential schools, he is most famous for writting Desiderata; and as soon as you read it, you'll understand why.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

The last three lines of the poem are by far my favorite. If you ever need a definition of hope, just remember the last three lines of Desiderata.

Tell Me Im Wrong, Tell Me that Your Strong

2007-11-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

I want to make one thing clear, before another word is written. Kara Stice a.k.a. "Saucy Minx" was my inspiration behind Fry Sauce and Ranch. You've gotta give credit where credit is due. Please check out Kara's blog at: karars@blogspot.com, her witty daily entries are enough to get you through the routine of life. She is brilliant.

I Give It All My Oxygen

2007-11-16T13:59:00.000-07:00

Dear World,

I have started writing here on "Fry Sauce and Ranch," all I have to say is BEWARE! The reason behind this blog is to help define my life, and to keep a record of my future footsteps. What will the future hold? God knows, but any conversations I have with him will be kept purely confidential. All the other idea's that traffic my mind will be temporarily parked here.